Learning To Love - Ruby Rose -

**part twelve**

I hung on for dear life, my arms ached and my legs were suspended below me. I was terrified but I had a smile engrained on my face. As I swung back to land I felt two strong arms grip around my waist, pulling me to safety.

We were at a rope swing in the middle of a forest. It was called the Tarzae but no one really knew why, it had always just been part of my life. It was literally just a piece of driftwood from the nearby beach mounted sturdily on an old – but strong – rope. It was just an old piece of tat strung up a small hill, but it had so many memories attached to it.

I was showing the Tarzae to Ruby for the first time and I never wanted this moment to end. It was so calm and serene, I had left my speaker, that an old friend gave me for my birthday, nearby. The speaker was quietly playing Of Monsters and Men nearby. It was so calm, so isolated that I could have almost forgotten about the hell-hole I had been living in for the past eighteen years.

Almost.

Memories haunted my past like ghosts, making every waking moment of my life a misery. I started seeing my dad. Every corner I turned, he was there with a distinct look of embarrassment on his face because I was his daughter. He would yell at me when I was safe in my room at Ruby's house. He would tell me that I was a disgrace to the McDonald family. I would believe him too. I always believed anything that my dad would say and I still do.

I know he's dead. He died years ago. I know he did. But I keep seeing him. I want it to stop. I want everything to stop. All the pain – it overrun the joy by miles. I feel like I'm trapped in my own body. Like there's only one way out.

But I needed to stay strong, if not for me, then I needed to stay strong for Ruby. She was my rock and it had to stay that way.

* * *

I'm alone.

Ruby has gone out to shop and she has left me alone. I told her I was okay and that she could go, but I need her. I need her now more than ever and she has gone to buy food.

Let's just say there is blood. Lots of blood.

It surrounds me, pouring from my arms and onto the floor of Ruby's bathroom. She shouldn't have left me alone. I can't be alone now, I'm too unstable.

I should feel it. I should feel the blades on my skin, piercing the very thing that is keeping my guts from spilling, but I don't...I don't feel anything.

I'm numb.

I wish she never left me. I have so many regrets and this is by far the largest.

I'm not ready to die.

I reach for my phone with all the energy I still have inside my pale, frail body, which is sprawled across the bathroom floor with a carpet of blood keeping it from touching the floor.

I speed-dial Ruby and wait impatiently for her to pick up. 

She didn't. I wait, lethargy settling in due to the lack of blood in my weak figure. I keep waiting but it goes to voicemail.

I try again, but I am losing hope. Until finally, on the last ring, she picks up.

"Hiya, babe, sorry I missed your call, I was just at the self-checkout." She says happily as if nothing's wrong.

"I'm sorry Ruby." I say, my voice going coarse through all the struggling. "I'm so sorry, I made a huge mistake." 

My hands grow to weak to hold the phone up any longer, so I don't. I simply let it fall, not being bothered about it falling into the blood which had already drenched my clothes.

I let a tear fall silently as I gave up trying.