Eat a Bag Of Dicks! (Joshler) [✓]

1) the first bag

welcome to the shit show

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josh is a fun person, okay?

no, he doesn't have very many friends, and prefers cuddling with his cat whilst watching shitty netflix movies, rather than going out, but that doesn't make him any less fun.

that may not sound convincing, but whatever, take his word for it.

parties are most certainly not his forte. the stupid, stupid, stupid red solo cups filled with a far too strong, gross beverage that everybody seems to get intoxicated by. the terrible music, with the under-payed dj that was way too into the mangled beats.

so, you may be questioning why josh is currently in his not-so-forte, a stupid, stupid, stupid red solo cup in his hand, standing right next to the largest speaker that was spewing the mangled beats.

his friend, trever (he has made a return and is a main character now, boo yah), decides to voice said question,

"dude, what the fuck are you doing here?" he yells over the loud cackles being called music, before backtracking,

"wait, no-- i just mean like, you don't like parties? your little introverted soul cannot handle such things, what're you doing here?"

josh rolls his eyes,

"i'm fun!" he protests, taking a gulp of the strange coloured liquid in his plastic cup, before gagging and spitting it back in.

"i'm gonna go be fun with a glass of water, and sit in a quiet room," he corrects, heading to the kitchen and ignoring trever's booming laugh.

he gets to the kitchen which was significantly quieter than the rest of the house, and pours himself a glass of water, cleansing the loathsome taste of alcohol from his mouth.

he lets out a content sigh when the hydration goes down his throat, before he catches sight of brendon, holding a bottle of whisky and asking around for a lighter, and quickly jumps into a little space in between the counter and the wall.

he settles down, quickly getting comfortable in the tight space, away from people with his glass of water, where he pick, pick, picks at the skin on his elbow.

but, i promise you, he's a fun guy.

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trever sighs upon seeing josh's bloodied elbow,

"why didn't you fidget?" he asks, cleaning his friends wound carefully, flashing an apologetic look with every hiss of pain that emits from his clenched teeth.

"that'd make me a bigger loser than i already am," josh shakes his head,

"seriously, bringing a fidget to a party? god, i'd rather bleed,"

"clearly," trever mumbles, finishing wrapping up josh's elbow.

"you're given the toys for a reason, josh," trever scolds gently,

"nobody likes seeing you hurt like this. when you need to, use a toy, please?" trever nearly begs.

josh sighs,

"a'right. sorry for ruining your night, i'm gonna head home,"

trever shakes his head immediately,

"you didn't ruin my night, bud, don't worry. get home safe, m'still a little buzzed, but i'll text you tomorrow,"

josh nods,

"thank you," he says solemnly.

trever nods, knowing that the thank you was for much more than the events that occurred minutes prior.

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josh gets to his beloved apartment building, going up the steps, getting closer and closer to his safe, safe, safe apartment.

one of his neighbours is leaning against the wall next to his apartment door, wide-eyed. josh sends him a quizzical look, causing his eyes to blow even wider, before he sprints into his own apartment.

odd.

josh unlocks his door, removing his shoes and collapsing onto his couch, after making a mental reminder to add ointment to his elbow after his nap, josh falls asleep.

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josh awakens groggily and disorientated. he forgets all about the bandage on his arm as he purposefully rolls off of the couch to wake up more.

"shit!" he curses, as his sensitive elbow makes contact with his wooden coffee table.

noticing the small patch of blood leaking through the white cloth, josh makes his way to the bathroom.

before he makes it there, he notices a thin package that slid its way through his mail slot. pain forgotten, he waltzes over and picks it up.

there's no return address, just an odd logo smack dab in the middle.

he opens it up, seeing a colourful bag, and a folded piece of paper. he takes out the paper,

"'eat a bag of dicks!'?" he reads in confusion, before pulling out a bag of gummies, shaped like-- oh.

josh laughs, shaking his head as he pulled out his phone, dialling trever's number,

"dude, where the heck did you get these?" he laughs as his friend picked up.

"get what?" trever asks groggily. having just woke up, seeing as it's four in the morning.

"these gummies shaped like dicks," josh keeps laughing.

"mm, what? i didn't get you those," trever clarifies, ready to hang up.

josh stops laughing,

"what?" josh asks in disbelief

"you're like, my only friend, who else would send these?"

"i dunno, man, but i'm hecka tired. worry about dicks later," he hangs up.

josh glares at the bag, confusion masking his features, before he gently sets the bag down, as if it will explode any second, before he sprints into the bathroom.

odd.

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what do you call somebody who cries whilst they masturbate ?

a tearjerker.

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