Eat a Bag Of Dicks! (Joshler) [✓]

30) the first lie

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josh was excited when tyler texted him, inviting him over, but when the door opens and tyler's serious expression does not match is own grin, he deflates a bit.

"hey," he says unsurely, walking in when tyler gestures to.

tyler nods, "sit," he says, pointing to the couch.

josh sits.

tyler sits in front of josh, on the coffee table, leaving several feet in between the two.

tyler's eyes flicker from staring into josh's left, to his right eye, holding intense eye contact that makes josh slightly uncomfortable.

"um-" josh starts, only to be silenced by tyler's waving finger,

"sh-sh-shhhh-shush," he shushes.

josh nods awkwardly.

it a few minutes later when tyler finally sighs and slouches in his seat,

"i don't want this to be a confusing relationship full of misunderstandings and lies, so it's the worst thing for me to be hiding such a big secret from you," he says.

josh gulps.

"you obviously know that something is wrong with me," tyler continues, unaware of josh's discomfort. he stands to retrieve a small paper bag from an unlocked drawer in the kitchen, "this is such a crucial part of my mental health and you should know about it. if in the end, you think i'm too much of a headcase, then you can leave and never talk to me again," he laughs somewhat nervously.

he empties the bag and five prescripted medication bottles tumble out and onto the coffee table.

josh observes in slight confusion.

tyler flicks one of the bottles, sending it lightly falling to the floor. "stress relievers, anxiety meds, depression meds, etcetera..." he mumbles.

josh nods slowly in understanding.

tyler hesitates, "i, uh, i have this stupid thing, it's called aboulomania," he sighs, "it's passive indecisiveness,"

josh makes a soft oh, not wanting to be too loud, in case tyler stops talking.

"i just, y'know, have trouble answering questions, making decisions, leaving the house in general-- i'm just a mess," he laughs dryly at himself.

tyler looks down at his hands and fidgets, visibly growing nervous at josh's lack of response.

he feels josh's hand touch his own, "i, for one, love messes," he informs, smiling when tyler gives him a teary-eyed laugh.

tyler sniffles, "well, you better grab a mop, then,"

josh lets out a low chuckle.

tyler shifts, "now - i'm not saying that you are hiding something - but if there is anything you-you just wanna get off your chest, then now is the time to do it,"

tyler looks at josh with honest eyes, and josh gives him a smile in return,

"i'm an open book," he chuckles, hoping tyler can't see the strain in his smile.

tyler smiles back warmly, "good," he beams.

good.

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disgusting, filthy, rotten liar.

i'm an open book he says. scoff.

yes, josh had been a relatively open book, up until that moment.

it was the perfect time to tell him, but what did he do? made everything worse.

tyler asks for the simple things, like a relationship void of lies and secrets, and josh can't even give him that.

even if tyler were to not have a negative reaction to hearing about josh's secrets, he will now that josh lied to him.

josh is picking at his elbow, letting out a hiss when he feels the sting of raw skin being pulled. he draws blood.

he shakes his head at himself, "can't even give him that,"

tyler asks for the simple things, like a relationship void of lies and secrets, and josh can't even give him that.

can't even give him that.

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why is a man like a snowstorm?

you don't know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get, or how long he'll stay.

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