Random Original Stories and Stuff

The Girl Who Waited

This is in response to the episode "The Girl Who Waited" in the tv show Doctor Who. I have a lot of feelings on it...

I haven't cried many times while watching Doctor Who. Don't get me wrong, I can feel my heart shatter into a million pieces all the time. But I've only ever actually cried real tears for Doctor Who four times. This time included. I remember crying when Donna forgot, when ten regenerated, and when Danny didn't come back to be with Clara. And this episode. The Girl Who Waited. This episode made me cry.

Yet, I also felt anger.
Angry at the Doctor.
I have never been angry toward him before. Not once. Sure he can be frustrating, and I want to slap him sometimes, but I have never been really, truly mad at him. I have always understood the decisions he's had to make. How sometimes, some things are fixed points in time and we have to leave them alone. Or that there are paradoxes and vortexes and things I can't begin to understand that have to be avoided or fixed, no matter how much it hurts to do it. And then there are times, when despite these things, he has found a way. A way to save everyone. A way to get out safely, and still manage to keep time on track. I have always understood his decisions, but this time was different.
This made me mad.
It made me mad at him because he lied. I know the number one rule of traveling with the Doctor is that the Doctor always lies. I know that. But this time he was nothing but a liar and a fraud. He lied to Amy. His Amy. He told her he could save her, and then he left. He left her to die on a planet far away from home. All alone.
She trusted him. She waited for him, and he did nothing for her. Except give her false hope.
How could he?! How could he do that to her?! And to make it worse, when Rory confronted him about it, The Doctor forced him to choose. He told Rory to choose between the woman he loved and the woman he loved. How dare he?! I was so mad, and I'm still mad. Every time I think about it I get mad again. Because I think about how Amy told Rory not to let her in, when he was about to, even though she so desperately wanted to live. I think about how Amy was surrounded by those robots. How they were closing in with their hands reaching out in "kindness". How she asked the interface to "show me Earth", "show me home". How her final words were about Rory, and how much she loved him. And I can see her touched with the sedative and falling to the ground. I see her close her eyes for the last time, and I cry. And I'm mad. It was his fault! He could have saved her! The Doctor could have found a way!

Then I remember... There was nothing he could have done. There was no other way. And I forgive him, but I will never forget what he did. I will never forget that he lied to Amy and left her to die. I will always remember that the Doctor is not perfect. That he has made mistakes and been the cause of so many deaths. I will always remember that there is a sliver of ice in his hearts. In memory of Amelia Williams.