It's 12 in the midnight. I should be sleeping but instead I lie awake thinking some things. Deep thoughts might lead to insanity. Oh well, I just can't help not to think about it.
It... it is really bothersome.
Every time I stalked your profile, I wanted something in me to change even my own existence. Whenever I see you around, it makes me feel uncomfortable. It seems like I am a totally different. Alien? Baka.
You with those fancy clothes is just so perfect-- wait, no! Even if you wear rags and cheap clothes, you're still beautiful. Your ebony hair, sparkling eyes, perfect eyebrows, natural long eyelashes, pointed nose, kissable lips and flawless face and fair skin make you even gorgeous-- make people like you even more.
I admire you for that, but I envy you too.
Ang swerte mo naman kasi eh. Siguro noong nagpaulan ng kagandahan ang langit, nasa c.r ako kumakanta. Oo, inaamin ko na naiinggit ako sayo. Sobra. Maganda ka, matalino, madami kang kaibigan, pinagpala ka rin sa height at may talent pa. Eh ako? Hindi na nga maganda, wala pang kaibigan. Ang mas malala pa eh wala akong utak-- ay! Meron pala, hindi nga lang katalinuhan. Noong tinanong nga ako ng Science teacher namin dati kung ano raw ba yung hypothalamus at esophagus, ang sinagot ko eh kasama sa Kingdom Animalia at kamag-anak ng hippopotamus kaya ayun, pinagtawanan nila ako. Ang bobo ko raw. Bobo na nga, wala pang talent. Kung talent lang ang paghinga edi sana matatawag na akong talented ngayon. Bat ba? 17 years na akong humihinga ng walang palya. Hmp! Matangkad naman ako kahit papaano pero mas matangkad ka nga lang.
In short, you're the opposite of me.
Yung mapupungay mong mga mata ay simpleng mga mata ko lang. Your kilay on fleek ay simpleng kilay ko lang. Your pointed nose ay simpleng disappointed nose ko lang. Yung flawless mong balat ay simpleng balat ko lang. Yung mala-rosas mong labi ay simpleng labi ko lang. Yung mukha mong walang peklat ay simpleng mukha ko lang na puno ng tigyawat. Yung perpektong ikaw ay simpleng ako lang.
Just me. Just a total mess.
My body should compared to an hourglass just like yours pero kahit na 24/7 pa akong magwork-out, wala pa rin akong mapapala. Kahit maglagay pa ako ng sandamakmak na make-up sa mukha ko, wala pa rin akong panama sayo. Nakakainis! You're a living goddess and I am just a living potato. Funny, isn't it?
Pa'no ba kasi maging ikaw? Oh wait, scratch that! Ano bang feeling maging ikaw?
Pa'no ba maging mala-perpekto? Oh shocks! Not that. Ano bang pakiramdam maging mala-perpekto?
Sana kahit isang araw man lang maranasan kong mabuhay ng walang insecurities. Isang araw na hindi ako nagseself-pity. Isang araw na hindi ako maiinggit dahil sa hindi ako... ikaw.
But every time I think of it, I piss myself and it really makes me feel inadequate.
When will puberty hits me?
When will I ever bloom, for pete's sake?!
Just when?
YOU ARE READING
Midnight Thoughts
Kısa Hikaye"When will that flower blooms?" --- [Warning: Wrong grammar and messed up story ahead!]
