Amnesia || lashton

April 10

"This isn't fair, no,

don't you try to blame this on me, oh,

my love for you was bulletproof, but you're the one who shot me,

Goddammit, I can barely say your name,

so I'll try to write it,

and fill the pen with blood from the sink." Bulletproof Love- Pierce The Veil

Ashton held the handful of pills, shuffling them back and forth, feeling them drag him down farther and farther into oblivion. He weighed his options.

He could end it all and feel happier. Everyone would be better off. They would forget him soon enough; Luke already has.

But something is keeping him from downing the variety or assorted colored pills. Something is whispering to him to stay. To push down his demons and wait just a little longer.

Ashton put the pills back in the orange bottle, placing it in a drawer.

You can't get rid of your demons, not forever. But you can stifle them long enough to get done with what you need to do.

Ashton had balanced on that line between life and death many times, more than he could count on his fingers. It should scare the 19 year old, but it didn't. It should freak him out that it doesn't scare him, but it doesn't. He's used to death and he would welcome it if it came to him.

Ashton heard a knock on the bathroom door. He quickly composed himself and opened the door, revealing a grinning Calum. "Ashton? Do you know what today is?"

"April 10th."

Calum shook his head, still grinning. "Nope. Today Luke comes home."

"Should I jump for joy?" Ashton kept a straight face, digging through his dresser to find a clean shirt.

"Don't get too excited, you might bust a fuse." Calum teased.

"Okay. Can you get out please? I have to change." Ashton asked.

Calum took a beanie out of Ashton's closet and put it on his head. "We're both boys here, Ashton. I know what nipples look like."

"You would. And some boys like privacy." Ashton lied. "Also, that beanie makes you look like a mushroom."

Calum mocked hurt before walking out of Ashton's room.

Sure, privacy. Ashton thought before taking off his shirt. He looked at his stomach, disgusted with the rolls of fat that only he saw. He quickly put on his shirt, scared someone would walk in and see the blob of depression and fat that was Ashton Irwin.

He made his way downstairs and saw him. His blonde hair was quiffed up, longer than usual, but only because he wasn't able to get a haircut for two months. He wore his white shirt that says 'Destroy Yourself, See Who Gives A Fuck'.

"Hi, Ashton!" He greeted, smiling from ear to ear. Normally, Ashton would run over to him and place a kiss on his pink lips. But this is not a normal day.

Ashton nodded, acknowledging him and sat at the end of the counter. Luke was confused for a moment, but brushed it off blaming it on waking up early.

"So we were thinking about a party, Luke. Ya know, get everybody in here and give ya a proper welcome home?" Michael said, looking at his plate of toast. Ashton's stomach grumbled, but he suppressed it.

Luke shrugged. "Sounds fun. Ashton? What do you think?"

Ashton looked Luke in the eyes and yearned to touch him. To be closer to him. "Wouldn't miss it for the world," Ashton tried to smile.

-

The smell of alcohol in the house was overwhelming. Ashton made his way through random crowds of sweaty teens, not bothering to excuse himself. They were drunk anyway.

He'd lost Michael, even after he promised to stay with Ashton. Calum was participating in belly shots (he didn't know if Calum was giving or receiving). Luke was missing.

Ashton wanted to retreat back to his room, but their were people in there doing things that he didn't want to see. He just wanted to sleep.

"Heeeeeyyyyyy, buddeh." Luke slurred throwing an arm over Ashton, using him for balance.

"Hi. You're pretty drunk. You should go in your room." Ashton started leading him towards the hallway where the two boys' rooms were. Luke stumbled around and Ashton struggled to balance him.

"Try to walk please, Luke." Ashton held a wall for support.

"I am walking, Ashy, water you doin?" Ashton couldn't help but laugh at Luke.

"You're tripping."

"No," Luke raised a finger in Ashton's face, "I believe you're trippin."

Ashton laughed before reaching Luke's bedroom door. The room that hasn't been slept in for months, because Luke usually sleeps with Ashton. Usually.

Ashton flicked on the lights and kicked the door closed. He steered Luke towards the bed and sat with him on it. Luke laid back and put his feet in the air. Ashton stood before him and began untying Luke's Vans. He pulled them off and began searching through Luke's drawers for pajama pants. He found a plaid pair.

"Here, put these on." Ashton tossed the pants to Luke, but he swatted them and threw them back.

"Put them on for meeeee." He whined.

Ashton nodded his head and swallowed. He unbuttoned Luke's skinny jeans and slid them down his legs. He glanced up at Luke and saw a sweet smile on his face as he stared at the ceiling. He focused back on his task and pulled the pants off entirely. He then pulled up the loose plaid pants.

"Get under the covers." Ashton said and Luke obeyed. He shimmied under the navy blue blanket.

Ashton hit the switch by Luke's bed and turned on his heel. "I'm gonna go now. Goodnight."

Luke caught Ashton's hand and looked up at him. It was the most sober he's looked all night. "Please stay. I don't want to be alone."

Ashton swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded vigorously. He pulled up the covers and kicked off his shoes, joining Luke's side.

Even in the dark Ashton could make out Luke's crystal blue eyes.

"You really love me don't you?" Luke looked sober, but Ashton could still smell the alcohol on his breath. He wouldn't remember any of this.

"Yeah. Yeah I do." Ashton agreed.

Luke pursed his lips together before grabbing Ashton's waist and pulling him closer. He buried his face in the older boy's neck. "Thank you. For everything."

--

I tried to make this cute but it's hard considering I know what happens in the end and yeah it hurts kay bye

What do you think is going to happen?

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-Katie♡