Amnesia || lashton

April 2

"Walk away, I'm barely breathing,

As I'm lying on the floor,

You take my heart as you're leaving me,

I don't need it anymore.

This is the memory,

This is the curse of having too much time to think about it,

It's killing me,

This is the last time,

this is my forgiveness,

this is endless."      The Memory- Mayday Parade

Ashton entered the powdered blue room, eyeing the bouquets of flowers and get well cards with teddy bears that cluttered the desk, chairs, and some of the floor. It made him sick to see how many people pretended to care about his Lukey.

The younger teen was asleep, light snores coming from his mouth, his bottom lip slightly trembling. Ashton was quiet in his steps, making sure not to wake him. He sat in a blue leather seat, and watched his sleeping prince.

God, I'm getting creepy.

Ashton fought the will to pepper the pale face with kisses and say good morning, though it was two in the afternoon. But he couldn't stop staring at the beautiful boy laying before him.

His crystal blue eyes shined like no other; flecks of deep blue scattered in the misty sky blue. His little nose was perfect for kisses. That tall, sloping hair was a masterpiece to Ashton- and to Luke- the blonde hair streaked with brown and styles to perfection. But now it lay flat against his forehead, swooping to the right, and Ashton wanted to tuck the hair behind his ear. And, oh, those lips; the bottom one that Ashton tugged on when they kissed and the lip ring that Luke fiddled with when he was nervous. His smile was brilliant when he showed teeth (or when he didn't,  either way) and he could light up a ro-

Luke coughed uncomfortably.

"Sorry." Ashton apologized, his face clotted with a blush.

"Hi. Thank you for coming, I really appreciate it."

Ashton nodded, pulling the sleeves of that grey sweatshirt down. Luke made a mental note to ask him about that and why it was stained.

"So, uh, since I really don't remember, " Luke let out a dry chuckle, "Can we start from the beginning? Like, how did we become... how did we start to date?"

"We went on a kind of date, meaning you took me to a movie. And you kissed me." Ashton fidgeted, clearly uncomfortable with the situation.

Luke soaked in the information and nodded. "Why was I in a car crash? I mean they told me it was the middle of the night."

Ashton looked towards the door, "For me."

"But why would I go ou-"

"Can we drop it?" Ashton snapped.

Luke raised his hands in defense and smiled at Ashton. "Sorry. One more question."

"Okay."

"Were we in love?"

Ashton met his eyes for the first time since Luke woke up. Hazel, kind of like cinnamon. They made something in Luke's chest warm. "Yeah. I never told you, but we were."

"Why didn't you ever tell me?" Luke asked.

Ashton smiled a little. "That was your last question."

"Please?" Luke stuck out his bottom lip and it reminded Ashton of better times. When he pouted over not having enough blanket or when Ashton wouldn't lay with him. Simple things that Ashton would give anything to have back.

"Because I didn't want to hurt you I guess. I never had a real reason, I guess I just.." Ashton sighed. "I just wanted to believe that you didn't love me and that I could leave anytime I wanted, with nothing holding me back. Nobody holding me back."

"Where would you have gone?"

"Someplace far away from here."

"Why do you wear that sweatshirt? Out of both the times I've seen you, you've been wearing it." Luke touched the material on the shirt. It was soft, but nothing special.

"Why do you need to know?" Ashton played with the strings on the hood, tearing off the strands of frayed fabric.

"Curious." Luke shrugged.

"Curiosity killed the cat."

"Can you just answer the question?"

"It's yours."

"Why is there those red blotches?" Luke pointed to a faded red blob covering the left shoulder.

"You were wearing it the night of the accident." Ashton said calmly, though he was internally freaking out. He was surprised he hadn't thrown up yet.

"Why would you wear something that I died in?" When the words came out of Luke's mouth, he shuddered.

"It's oddly comforting."

A silence fell over them and neither knew how to fill it. What are you supposed to say?

"So uh.." Ashton smiled at Luke's awkward tendencies.

"So uh, I have to go," Ashton lied. He'd do anything to get out of this sterile environment, his wrists were itching. "But if you need anything, just call. I'll be there."

Luke nodded and thanked him. Ashton stood up and walked to the door. He looked over his shoulder and stared at the boy in the bed. His boy in the bed. "I'll say it now. I love you." He shut the door behind him.

Luke didn't hear those words.

Dear Luke,                                                              April 2, 2014

My mind is going crazy right now. Should I be happy that I talked to you? Or going insane that the guy I love doesn't even remember that he loved me?

I don't love you. Nope, not one bit.

I'm so bad at lying. I can't even lie to a fucking book.

I told you I loved you. I know that it isn't at the best time, or the best place maybe, but I couldn't hold it. I was bursting at the seams and I'm sorry if this confused you anymore than you already are.

I've written this before, Luke. But I'm sinking.

My mind is like a dark forest. Monsters roam and control everything. But you were like my little light, Luke. You made my mind brighter for a while.

I can't survive in the dark.

-Ashton

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-Katie♡