Amnesia || lashton

March 11 Pt. 2

"And I know I shouldn't tell you,

but I just can't stop thinking of you,

wherever you are. " Wherever You Are -5 Seconds Of Summer

"What do you mean he doesn't remember me?! Goddammit, I've been his boyfriend for eight months! He remembers Mikey and Calum? Explain this!" Ashton ran his hands through his caramel hair, tugging at the ends. He paced back and forth in front of Luke's head doctor, Doctor Gene.

Dr. Gene's expression was blank, but he felt sympathy for Ashton, though he didn't show it. He had to stay professional, no matter how much he wanted to comfort the boy. "Nobody knows how the brain works. Why we don't remember certain things, or why we act certain ways. Obviously he has amnesia and we aren't sure if his memory will come back. We can only hope for the best. The frontal lobe controls memories and other tasks, and during the impact of the accident, it's entirely possible that it was damaged."

Ashton stopped pacing and stared at the doctor. "Why doesn't he remember me then?"

The doctor folded his hands and took a deep breath. "Who is his best friend?"

Ashton shook his head in confusion. "What does that have to do with my fucking boyfriend not remembering me?"

"Answer the question please."

"Calum." Ashton wiped the streaming tears off of his face. He hated crying and he hated people seeing him do it, but he did it anyway.

"You're older than them, correct?" Doctor Gene adjusted the glasses resting on his nose.

Ashton nodded.

"Well there. They've known him longer- you're sort of recent. He'll remember them because he's known them all through school. But you being grades higher-" He gave Ashton a small smile, as if he won the million dollar jackpot. Ashton thought he was going to be sick. "-You haven't been there long enough. I want to spend more time with Luke to sort of make a timeline; take pictures from the past two years or so and see the last thing he remembers. We'll go from there. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some other patients to attend to at the moment, so if you could step out of my office." Dr. Gene shooed the crying boy out of his office before locking it and turning on his heel, to the opposite end of the hospital. Ashton wiped his hands on his pants and sat on the floor, joining Calum and Michael.

"We heard everything. We're really sorry, Ashton." Michael took Ashton's hand and held it, squeezing it gently. Ashton was thankful for the gesture, but it only reminded him of Luke and how he couldn't hold his hand anymore.

"I don't know what to do. Do we go home? I just want to sleep and get out of this nightmare."

Calum nodded and answered. "Course, mate. You can crash in my room, I'll take the couch. Probably don't want to sleep in your room right now."

Ashton gave them a false smile, in attempt to tell them he was okay. Or going to be okay.

But no one really knew how bad he was hurting. And the solution to it all.

Dear Luke, March 11, 2014

You probably think I'm a freak, hugging you like that, but honest to God I'm not. I just wanted to touch you.

Soon enough, this won't be a journal. It won't be a diary, or a pretend therapist.

It will be the holder of my suicide note.

Not today, and maybe not tomorrow, but here goes:

there is no me, without you.

I mean every word of it.

You fall, I fall. You jump, I jump. You cry, I cry. I feel like my heart is falling apart at the seams and thete is absolutely nothing I can do to stop it. It's like trying to stop a train at full speed. I'm trying to stop, I really am, but you, Lucas, you are the breaks to my train. And when the breaks don't work or forgot what they fucking do, the train, well...

crashes.

It hurts me to write those three words, so I won't at the moment.

-Ashton Irwin, Your Kind Of Boyfriend.

P.S. the only reason I put that is because you don't know who I am. I kinda want you to know before I go.

--

Hope you enjoy(:

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-Katie♡