self titled.

reign down and destroy me

song: implicit demand for proof

i know you're not a liar and
i know you could set fire this day
go ahead and make me look away

trigger warnings// religious views, isolation, graphic descriptions

÷//÷

God,

God I sit here on this very earth with my tears turning weeds into blossoms and my yelling turning into its own melody in my head

God I beg you to show yourself, I beg you to tell me, to send me anything that shows you're here

That shows my life isn't a meaningless plot full of twisted fairytales and fake truths

God, I know your capability to corrupt and destroy the wicked and flood those who don't deserve to inhabit this earth

God why haven't you destroyed me?

Why haven't you shown yourself and choked me with your hands so I can know that I'm not alone

That I'm not meant to walk this wasteland alone without any laughter or smiling or joy

That my life means more than crying and screaming and dying

That you, you God could reach down and pluck every single animal and plant and root from this very forsaken soil, but you choose to keep me here

You choose to make me walk like a lifeless corpse until my brain has rotted to a pulp, until my eyes have dripped from their sockets and my tongue to be ripped out of my jaw

Because God, I have lost everything and everyone and my life is black and gray and beige and brown and white and cream

I refuse to bow down and sing to you because you have done absolutely nothing for me

You have remained barren and lifeless above my head and out of reach from my grasp, I can not be brought to the warmth of your presence

God I believe in your justice and presence, but it has not made itself seen and that itself is mind reeling

God I beg, I cry, for you to throw any life at me so I can stop stalking around in my wasted body, my wasted corpse

My hope has been snatched by your very fingertips and my throat is always aching God

Make the ache stop and I will feel the gentle enrapturing of peace

Take my life

Take my soul

÷//÷

strike me down, I am calling your
lightning down from your dark hiding place
go ahead and show me your face