Little Did You Know

Prologue

Clarke was 16 when her first love Emma Decody died from cystic fibrosis after Clarke failed finding sufficient money for a life saving lung transplantation. She failed in every possible way to save her love and watched her taking her last breath in a dull white hospital room where the brunette never wanted her life to fade. She knew that Clarke did everything she could but she also knew that her time was long up. She knew that no matter how hard the blonde would try to save her life, she couldn't be saved at all.
She rather dreamed about a bright blue sky and a warm summer breeze on her skin. She imagined her and Clarke lying together underneath the palm trees, watching the sun rays lightening every shadow of the world and listening to the tranquillising sound of waves rushing over the water.
Clarke, on the other hand, watched her spaced out love through a window, blinking and breathing slower and slower, until her eyes wouldn't open and her chest wouldn't lift up anymore.
Her heart broke when she realized, that all Emma had dreamed about, even if it was dying in her arms in nature or seeing one last time the ocean blue of her eyes, would never come true. And it was her fault.
When she turned from the see through wall and ran inside to tell her she was right there with her, it was already too late.

Earlier, she couldn't bear to be in the same room with Emma because she would never be able to let her go, to let her leave in peace, but now that Emma was gone, she realized she had taken all of her chances to say goodbye and to have a very last glance at her.
The moment Clarke was screaming and shaking the lifeless body, her mother Abby rushed inside with two other nurses to tear her away from the bed. Not without Clarke fighting though.
She screamed and slashed around wildly, until her mother couldn't help but sedating her.
When Clarke lied almost lifelessly in her own bed, dizzy and spaced out from her sedation, she thought about every word Emma had said to her. She tried remembering every facial feature of the dainty small brunette and regretted putting Emma's incurable health before her wishes. She remembered the time Emma had pretended she was alright, when she even ran around with her oxygen bottle and went on hikes even though it was more than dangerous for her condition and her last months of life were already at hand.
Emma had always been a happy young girl who was optimistic in any kind of challenging situation, considering that she was trapped in a dead end. And that was how she would live on in the hearts and memories of so many people from around the little town she had lived in, especially in the ones of her close friends. Especially in Clarke's
Unfortunately, Clarke wasn't quite great at dealing with Emma's death and distanced herself from everyone she cared for. She was fine from the outside but underneath the surface, she was dying. She kept her emotions bottled up deep inside her, until it was too much.

There she was now, dangling her legs from the edge of a bridge and watching the sun rays sparkling over the water, just like Emma would have liked. With a picture of her pressed up against her chest, she lifted up her body, until she stood with both feet steady one the railing. She breathed slower and started to count down from 10 to one.. until she felt strong arms pulling her from the railing.

"What the hell you think you're doing?!" Raven yelled with tears running down her cheeks while Octavia held Clarke in her arms. That was the moment when the blonde finally broke down and gave up feeling nothing. That was when all the pain she kept bottled up, came to the surface, but also when the pain started consuming her every single day.
But she survived.