•FADED• {Jason McCann} - wattys2017

Part 7: school, bruises and hurting.

Song for this chapter: dark enough- original song form some girl on YouTube.

                           •Elena's point of view•

"Dear diary, yesterday I had such a fun time with Jason. He made me forget about everyone, he made me forget about all the hate I get. I forgot about the bullies, I forgot about my messed up life. Now I sit in the school bathroom writing in you, today I was hit. I don't know who did it. All I know is that it was a guy. I walked into math class first thing this morning in a good mood, nothing could have killed my buzz. I sat down and that's when I was hit to the ground. I fell flat my books along with me. I was punched and ran out with the words "don't take my seat bitch." I want to go home, I want to cut. I'm so eager to cut. Although I promised Jason I wouldn't, I need to. I need to get rid of the pain. Im hurting so much diary and I don't know what to do."  I close my dairy and wipe away the falling tears from my cheeks with the end of my sleeve. Why does this have to happen to me, why am I the girl who gets bullied.

I look at the time on my phone. 9:00am. School starts at 8:30am which means I've been locked in the school bathroom for half an hour.

I gently place my diary into my school bag and place my phone into my pocket. I zip up my school bag and open the door to the bathroom stall.

"Have a good cry, loser?" Some girl from my math class asks me as she cakes on more make up in the mirror.

I pretend I didn't hear her, and walk out of the bathroom, I follow the long hallway to the school entrance and begin my journey home.

After a short while I'm safe at home. I hardly ever leave the house. It's my safe zone.

I walk upstairs and into my bedroom, I dump my school bag on my bed and bend down next to my bed side table. With shaking hands I once again take out my blade.

It's cold and sharp. I blink a few times to get rid of the blurry tears. I run the blade across my wrist. Again, again, and again.

I cut deeper, deeper and deeper.

The more blood the better.

I'm hurting, so much. I don't know what to do. I want to scream, yet I know no one can hear me.

Everyday I have to hide my arms so no one can see my cuts. These are my battle wounds.

I'm going through so much, and I'm in such a dark place.

I need a light, I need someone to save me from myself.

Is Jason my light, is he the one to save me?

After my arm is filled with deep cuts, I put my blade down and walk towards my bathroom.

I turn on the tap and hold my arm under the cold water, the water stings my wounds. But at the same time it feels nice.

I watch as the blood runs out of my open cuts and down into the drain. I dry my arm and wrap gauze around it so they stop bleeding.

As I walk back towards my bed, I get a massive head spin and fall to the ground. I'm so dizzy, is it from the cuts. Did I loose to much blood.

Trying to stop questioning myself, I slowly get up from the ground and lay on my bed. I close my eyes in hopes to fall asleep.

                                        •••

"Elena, honey. Wake up please." My mum whispers and shakes me lightly.

"Mhm." I grumble.

"Sweetie, dinner is ready." Dinner!

"Okay I'm up." I mumble into my pillow and roll over onto my back. I link my eyes a few times, trying to adjust them to the light.

"I'll be down in a minute." I yawn, my mum shakes her head and leaves my bedroom.

I look over at the time on my walk clock. 6pm. I've slept for ages, I wonder if mum knows that I wasn't at school today?

Hesitantly I drag myself from my bed and begin the journey downstairs.

"Here you go, darling." My mum says as she places a bowl of chicken salad in front of me. It smells delicious, and looks it. I pick up my fork and place a forkful of the fresh salad into my mouth. I place another and another until I'm already full on three forkfuls.

"I can't eat anymore." I complain.

"Elena, are you okay. You've had like 2 mouthfuls." My mum says worried.

"Yeah I'm fine, lose of appetite I guess." I chuckle brushing it off.

"Okay, well leave it there. I'll wrap it and keep it in the fridge in case you get hungry later." She smiles as I nod and walk up stairs.

Maybe I'm getting sick, first the dizziness and now I'm not hungry. When am I not hungry?

I brush it off and walk into the bathroom to take a well needed shower.

                                              •••

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