Lost

Chapter 11

It was eleven and I was laying in bed. My face was stiff from the tears I had shed an hour or so ago from Riley. "Don't cry" Oliver had texted me. "He's not worth it". But mostly what killed me was that, to me, he was worth it. I heard a buzz from my phone. I expected a text from Oliver. And it was just another text from him. Then I went back to read the text I had sent Riley. It still had no response and I read it over and over again. Finally, I decided to send another text despite my efforts to not give in. To leave it alone. To remain peaceful. However, that is not how I have ever solved my problems.

Then I texted him.

"I seriously don't know why you hate me right now.

Neither do I know what I've done.

And don't even try to say u don't hate me because not for a second will I believe it.

Idk who changed you.

Maybe it was Estelle maybe it was something completely different.

Maybe it was both.

But tbh, I have NO CLUE who you are anymore." I said and the I could see he was responding by the little bubbles at the end of the screen. He responded with

"Sorry I didn't see your text, Tor" and I wanted to just yell at him. And tell him not to call me Tor. Tell him everything he's ever done wrong to me.

But I couldn't. And I wouldn't. Our conversation finished happily that night. And I really did think tomorrow would be better. However, that was because I had not lived in tomorrow to see what it would hold. I could only hope.

🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻

I walked into school hastily. I saw Riley but we did not approach each other. Then five minutes later I saw Estelle. Then another five minutes later I saw Abigail. She was hanging out with her latest best friend Hannah. They had become best friends this year, and I feel because of it, we had gone seperate ways. But I had also known her for a while, but with her I felt she wasn't completely gone from me. With Riley it hurt because things had happened so fast. With Abigail, I feel as though, we still had ackward moments where we would make eye contact and look away because neither of us knew where we stood. But nonetheless, we had both made new friends and seemed to have no need for each other in our lives. I walked on past them to my locker. I grabbed my stuff and walked to class alone for once.

For once I was proud to be alone. Because lately, I had started to realize being alone wasn't all bad. It just showed you are strong enough to make your decisions. Have your own thoughts, and most importantly, stand independent. Your own person. And I felt as though lately, I had become a person. A real one, with my own personality, flaws, and beauties.

I made it to class in time to take my seat by Starla. I hadn't talked to her in a while. We basically just talked about everything that had gone on avoiding the topic of Riley. I knew we were only avoiding it, and not forgetting if because everyone knew of it and it was basically the most interesting thing going on in school right now. I left class and walked down the hall. I saw Riley and he looked at me. Right at me. I didn't break the eye contact, hoping my eyes were enough to make him the one to break it not me. And he did. He then say down next to one of mu friends called Jen. They had become good friends recently, and it had ended in me not even talking to Jen much, although with Jen, I knew I could not talk to her for months and she would still have my back. I looked at them sitting there and wondered if that was how happy I looked years ago when we were only Twelve sitting there side by side.

Before I had to care about what would happen in the future. Before I had to wonder who would hate me tomorrow and who I could talk to. Now my only thoughts revolved mostly around others thoughts. And their opinions. Today though, I let myself wonder something different. Something better. And I let myself think of all the happy moments I had had this year. Though there seemed to be few, I still had some. And I kept those close to me. Because they were special. And no one could take those from me. They were mine.