So Long Not Goodnight (A FRERARD Fan Fic)

Chapter 6: the blackness

You know those dreams you have where you never seem to wake up, It felt like I was stuck in one of them. Death was supposed to be peaceful, But I felt disrupted and uncomfortable like I was gasping for air that just wasn't existent.

Frank, his voice seemed to trail through my spirit, it was like that feeling of his skin against mine would never leave even if I wasn't breathing.

I had never felt so strained, giving up on my life was easy but giving up on Frank was something beyond impossible.

"Gerard please open your eyes, I can't-- just please" the tragedy in his voice brought me closer to breath.

"Gee I need you" he cried out in a small whisper, so quiet no one heard. No one but me.

I felt my myself being pulled into reality, I wanted to live, I needed to live for Frank.

"He's breathing! holy shit!" Franks hands clutched his cheek bones with enthusiasm.

I felt my lungs fill up one by one, the air collapsing into my veins. I didn't feel as though I could grasp what had just happened but I wanted to.

"Frank?" I managed to push out of my shaken vocal chords.

His eyes shot up off the hospital floor. They seemed to lock onto mine with such focus, if eyes could speak I would say ours were.

"Thank fucking god, I honestly-- thought oh fuck" Frank fussed, grabbing my hand and squeezing it tightly. It felt overwhelming to feel his skin on mine again.

"I'm-- sorry" I stuttered, feeling my lips clap together violently with every syllable. The silence was nothing but words between us. It was unspoken yet heard so loudly.

"Don't be Gerard, don't be" Franks hand stroked my forehead, sweeping the hair from out of my eyes.

An unwanted presence had entered the hospital room. David.

"Gerard!" David said, pretending to have been in bits, although it was obvious he hadn't. I rolled my eyes as I felt Franks warmth slip from mine.

"Hi dad" I responded as my father sprung himself over my hospital bed.

"I'm just glad your okay, I thought you would be a goner, like your mother." he rambled pointlessly. I felt a force just drop upon me. My mom.

"Get out" I croaked uncomfortably. I thought that the whole room was about to explode, making it impossible for any of us to be alive. Death clouded my vision once again, that feeling that seemed so confusing at the time became clear.

"Gerard?" Frank asked pushing aside my father, whom just stood there like a mute. Tears built up in my eyes, threatening to fall.

"Leave, everybody just leave" I said avoiding eye contact with Frank, I could feel his eyes peering into my soul like they do in comic books.

"But Gee-"

"Please just get the fuck out!" I interrupted Frank with a yell so loud the nurses from next door came rushing out of there staff room with a look of shock plastered on their faces.

Frank didn't say a word, he didn't have to. The expression on his lips was cold, almost close to the edge. It hurt, I was hurt. I wanted to be dead again, I wanted to leave everybody behind, I needed something that I would never have here. My mom, my beautiful mom.

The room was empty but it felt full, like it was bursting at the seams and I was just screaming to get out. I guess that's what it feels like to be trapped in your own head like I was.

The tears gripped my tear ducts, the excruciating burn from a force that pulled them in and wouldn't let them fall nearly killed me. I couldn't cry anymore, but I wanted to, I had to.