So Long Not Goodnight (A FRERARD Fan Fic)

Chapter 23: fake your death

Silence crept through every minor gap between each thread of my gloves. The frosted feeling of Jersey's autumn breath on my fingertips lingered like a bad smell. Ray had left, he went with what was left of Mikey to the hospital. I wanted to come, I could see that Ray needed someone but he told me to stay behind. Something told me that he couldn't face me right then, neither could I, neither could Frank. I waited alone outside, death seemed to follow me, death and pain. Everyone who had anything to do with me instantly became infected by this darkness that never seemed to leave, maybe I was better off alone so that I couldn't possibly ruin Franks last days anymore than I already had.

"Gerard" Bob almost whispered from the door frame, barely stepping his foot out of it.

"Yeah" I replied. The croak in my voice bounced off the objects around me, it scared me until I shattered.

"Are you okay?, it's cold come inside....Frank he-"

"Hates me" I interrupted. The words almost bled from me, it cut deep, too deep I wasn't sure if I could stop the bleeding.

"Gerard he needs you, please come in from the cold" Bob seemed to have given up, he had lost the small flicker of hope that he came out with.

Silence simmered sternly

I turned to the empty door frame, it represented how I felt, empty yet somehow full at the same time.

"Why haven't they called yet! Fuck!" Bob cursed. I had never seen Bob so uptight and desperate, then again Mikey was almost like his little brother.

"Ray said he'd call if anything happened, just try to keep your cool Man please" Frank stared directly in front of him, his eyes didn't move from that one spot. He was frozen out of reality, or was he frozen inside his own reality?

I sat next to Frank. The stain on my lips began to sting, Mikey clawed at my skin. My hand crept into Franks, suddenly this subtle gesture felt flamboyant. I needed this, I craved this, I bled for this. His eyes didn't meet mine but I still felt his gaze.

~~~~~

The next morning

The phone rang,

"Hello, Ray?!"

"Is he okay?"

"Oh shit"

The phone slammed down again.

I spun my head toward Franks pillow, he wasn't there.

I pulled myself up, whatever happened I had to keep it together and be there not only for myself but for Frank as well.

Pull it together Gerard, keep it together

Frank came back into the room silently. There was a tension that filled the creases between us. Awkward but necessary.

"Any news?" I asked trying to fill the void with words that felt relevant.

"Mikey is stable but he's in a coma, doctors said it was attempted suicide" Frank seemed to fight back what seemed like tears but I wasn't completely sure.

"Suicide?" I quivered, the word reminded me of the time not that long ago when I had tried to take my own life and Frank saved me.

"Yeah" he whimpered simply.

"If he dies I don't know what I'll do Gee, I was mad last night but how could I be, he's hurt and he has obviously been this way for quite some time. How did I not see" Tears welled in his eyes, like words they poured out sounding disjointed.

I grabbed the material of Franks cardigan and pulled him into me. His arms hugged around my body tightly, skin to skin contact.

"Mikey has always been there for me but where was I when he needed me most" Frank cried into my already soaked shoulder.

"No Frank, it's got nothing to do with you, when you feel the way Mikey did nothing can stop you...I know that" I gulped back a mixture of tears and fear as I was taken back to that night, the blood that drained from beneath my skin.

"Your still here and I'm forever in debt for that" Frank pulled out, his eyes now fixated on mine. He stroked my face gently, holding my face in his hands the same way he did the night that he saved me from myself.

"Just promise me you'll be with me ya'know until I take my last breath or whatever.... your the best thing that's ever happened to me Gee" Frank's lips had already met mine before I had any chance to respond to his question. I felt this force behind this kiss, it was different to any kiss between Frank and I. Slower, yet faster at the same time.

I felt my heart race faster as Franks did. The heat between us seemed to rise drastically, our skin feeling moist and warm. The sound of Franks heartbeat reminded me that he was here, alive and living, fully and completely in the moment.

Franks hands played with my pants, they fumbled around the elastic waist awkwardly. This didn't feel like it should, I didn't want to this not right now.

"Frank" I pulled out.

Frank looked ashamed, his head sunk below his shoulders.

"I'm sorry Gee, I just wanted to forget about this shit, I shouldn't have I'm sorry" his voice broke. I wanted to forget to but I knew too well that there was no escape. Mikey's life was being held in the balance and there was absolutely nothing any of us could do to change that.

"It's okay" I whispered grabbing Franks body, tired and sad and held it in my arms. We just lay on the bed protected by the warmth of each others arms.

We fell asleep this way. Frank needed sleep, it was time for him to forget. I needed to forget too.

The phone rang

Ray......

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Thanks to all the awesome peps reading my story. thanks for the votes, comments and adds:) it really makes my day, like it honestly makes my day to see that people are actually enjoying it so thank you!!

I'll also make it a job of mine to update more often, because it has been a while :/ soz lol

:D:D xx