When I'm with you

Chapter 20

The world suddenly stopped; time suddenly froze. I could see Chad's lips moving but I couldn't hear what he was saying. I could feel that it was important, but a part me didn't want to hear it. Then I snapped back into reality and finally heard Chad's words: "Anne, please go out with me."

My eyes widened, and it felt like my eyeballs were going to pop out; my mouth hung wide open. My knees suddenly weakened, as my body went numb. Did I mishear it? Or did I misunderstand? Although I was kind of expecting to hear those words, I realized that I wasn't ready for them.

I wanted to ask him if he was serious or if it was some kind of joke, but I couldn't seem to find my voice. My body still wasn't moving and I could only stare at him, like a deer in the headlights. What was I supposed to say? How was I supposed to respond to that? Chad was my friend, and I never considered him to be more than that. Was I supposed to reject him? It was easier said than done. Of course, if I rejected him, I'd hurt him. I didn't want things to turn out the way they did with Sean. Chad was a really close friend to me, and it really sucked that he started avoiding me, but the thought of him disappearing altogether like Sean did..it was unbearable.

"What kind of joke is this, Chad?" I said with a hoarse voice, obviously anxious, as I avoided his eyes. But Chad didn't answer right away. His silence was enough: this clearly wasn't a joke.

"No, Anne. It's not."

"Then stop it!" I almost yelled, or did I already? My mind wasn't working; I didn't know what I was doing. I was so confused. Why was this happening?

"But Anne, I--"

"I told you to stop it!" I covered my ears with my hands, refusing to listen.

"No, Anne, because I like you."

I lost my balance and leaned against the wall. My knees were giving out on me. I felt like I was floating because I couldn't feel them anymore. Those were the words that I didn't want to hear. Those were the words that would make other people happy.. but not me. I may be considered weird, but I knew that those words could potentionally hurt my bestfriend, and that frightened me the most.

I wanted to escape, I wanted to run, I wanted to leave, but my whole body had turned into ice. I couldn't think, I couldn't hear, I couldn't feel. The only thing that made me remember that I was still alive was the crazy beat of my heart. I wondered if Chad could also hear it.

There was something wrong with Chad's confession though, but I couldn't quite figure it out. I wasn't the type of person who liked romantic movies or whatsoever, so I couldn't exactly point out what was wrong. I could only watch them whenever Jane barged in and suddenly decided to crash at my house. There was this one night when Jane brought tons of romantic movies: Nicholas Sparks movies, to be exact; tearjerkers to be more specific. I swear they made me cry for the whole night. It was embarrassing how everytime I thought of them, I still got teary eyed. A whirlwind of scenes flashed in my mind untiI, finally, I figured out what was wrong; what was missing: sincerity.

I looked up to meet Chad's eyes, and they held all the answers to my confusion. He was staring at me but he wasn't exactly looking at me. It was like his eyes were focused on my face, but his stare was.. empty. There was no emotion. It made me feel like those words weren't meant for me. Sure, Chad made my heart beat like crazy.. although it wasn't because he confessed to me, but because I had been aware from the very beginning about what he was going to say; I let myself be overwhelmed with my emotions, deluding myself with that fact: that he probably liked me. But as soon as I heard those words, everything felt strange.

"Chad, tell me what THIS is all about."

Chad was surprised, that was for sure. You could see a twinge of panic in his eyes as they widened, but he still forced a weary smile. It was like he didn't expect that I'd ask him that.