When I'm with you

Chapter 28

My mental exhaustion was getting worse by the minute. What Jane had told me last time really bothered me. I decided to do what she said though (to look things from different perspective) and what I got in the end was… a headache. I had accepted the possibility that Gab probably liked me, but I still couldn't figure out if I felt the same way towards him. If Gab ever confessed his feelings, what would I tell him?

Although, I was starting to think that Gab didn't really see me that way. Well, it had been a week since Gab sneakily kissed me and he still hadn't mentioned anything about it. I was kind of starting to doubt that something like that really happened because I was positive that if Gab ever remembered what happened between the two of us, he would have either apologized to me (because he stole my first kiss) or (if it was true that he had feelings for me) he would have already confessed. But neither of the two scenarios happened, and the chances of them happening were, quite frankly, very low.

What irritated me the most the fact that lately Gab was always with Cindy. Yes, Cindy (aka one, if not THE worst person you will ever meet), who was always clinging to him whenever they walked around the campus. As much I hated Cindy for clinging to Gab, I hated Gab even more for letting her have her way with him. He could've shoved her if he didn't like it, that was for sure.

I couldn't understand him. He kissed me, and now he was flirting with another girl. Who did he think he was? It was true that he was popular, but he had no right to play with other people's feelings. Somehow, it made me wonder if he had already kissed someone other than me because it seemed like he was pretty comfortable with this kind of thing.

I just kept getting more and more confused as to why he kissed me. Maybe there wasn't really any meaning behind it, and it was just me who was making way too big deal about it. But I noticed that ever since that incident happened, everything between us changed. I couldn't help but remember the song I heard on the drive to school with Jane and its lyrics that accurately described my situation.

All I know is you held the door. You'll be mine and I'll be yours. All I know since yesterday is everything has changed.

Ever since Jane told me to see Gab in a different light, I noticed that my eyes were always searching for him. I wanted him to always be in my sight, but every time I looked at him my heart couldn't stop pounding. Each time I saw him with Cindy, my chest hurt like it was being stabbed. I didn't have the faintest idea why I felt that way. Maybe I was a masochist. I knew I hated Cindy, but my hatred towards her had grown even more, a feat I didn’t think possible: it wasn't just because of the long-standing feud between the cheer squad and swim team anymore; it had turned somewhat personal, closely related to my feelings. I hated the fact that she was so close to Gab while I, on the other hand, couldn't  even get near him. How could she so nonchalantly cling to Gab like that, as if they were couple?

Then my world suddenly stopped: did I just say couple? My heart felt like it was pierced by that word, over and over again. Could it be that Gab liked Cindy? Was that the reason why he was letting her to what she pleased? Did Gab kiss me because he thought I was Cindy? Aargh!! What the hell did I just think? Did I just compare myself with Cindy? Honestly, I was losing my mind. To think that I thought of something so horrible, I was going insane!

I was just torturing myself by overthinking stuff again. I couldn't understand why I even bothered to waste my energy to think of them. So what if Gab like Cindy? It wasn't like it had something to do with me. But why did my chest hurt? Why did I feel like tears were going to fall down my face at the thought of them being together? Why did it have to be Cindy by his side instead of me?

I sat on one of the benches outside, hoping that the summer air would calm me down. My favorite season had finally arrived and there was nothing more I could wish for. I leaned back on the bench as I looked up to the sky. For some reason, I was expecting for someone to suddenly cover my eyes with their hands and make me guess their identity. I felt myself smile at that silly thought. Sean was probably busy right now, so there was no way he would come.