Random thoughts and quotes

Long roads

May 20th

I don't why it always ends up with me on the bus asking myself if there's going to be a change in this whole story. With my eyes pointing to the sky, and my heart pointing straight forward to the same guy for seven hard and sweet months. Sometimes I get to the point I crave his love. Sometimes I just wanna be alone. And now that my life has taken a long and complicated road, he still stands far from me.
How much it takes to erase the pain, the fear, every bad memory from his heart, from his head, from him? I'm pretty sure it's a long way and even tough for me it's painful I'll take this one too, because the love I feel for him is probably the only thing that will make me go through the other scary thing I have to face.
And I have no one to talk to about this, no one to teach me how to deal with it. Sometimes I just wish for everything to end up as soon as possible so I have nothing else to worry about. But sadly, it doesn't work this way. I have to sort it out by myself and I truly know that it's the right thing.
No one has ever told you you gotta step through hell if you want to see paradise? Well, maybe you don't even want to, it just happens. You can't make any step back. Take it or deal with it.

I often find myself thinking hat maybe I'll get to that boy, too. Maybe if I really put my heart and do my best in the hardest thing, someone will notice. He will notice. I don't give a damn about everyone else (except friends, mom and dad, obviously) .
I want to smile so badly. I want to feel like something is great, that I'm okay. And I don't know why I let him have this power. He is all I want right now.