Random thoughts and quotes

Missing easier times

I should be happy now, I'm conscious of it. Who wouldn't be happy to talk for two hours with someone you're hanging out with?  I mean, someone you like of course.
Well, that's not the point. For a while I thought that it was way easier when I loved my previous crush. The blue boy, that beautiful human who really made me change... a lot. And it was easier because I knew nothing would happen, I just hoped and tried... while this time things are getting faster and heavier and I'm not even moving a finger.

I miss you, blue boy. You promised me a cake to say thank you for my help, but I've always wanted to help you, with or without cake, to kiss those sweet and soft lips of yours and nothing more. I dreamed a lot even thought nothing could happen. But I loved you, and I accepted that. The feeling I had everytime I jumped on your bus to run to you or check if you were there is still fresh, I don't need an effort to recall it. Now I know it was true love because I would still fight against the whole world for you, without your permission obviously. I would just do it.

But things have changed and I found someone able to love me. I'll tell you that being apart for more than a month is the last chance for me to live easily, because I know it will be no more this way. I'll have to fight against obstacles from parents, obstacles from myself, from him, other people, whatever. Moreover it's something I'm totally not used to... and for every step he makes towards me, I'd just like to take a couple of steps back.

I shouldn't be scared but I fucking am. And I'm pretty sure he wouldn't understand me... dunno why, maybe instead he's able to. In the meantime I say thanks for these three weeks between us. They'll help me, I'm sure.