Tied To Me

1 - The changed girl

I killed a man.

I think it was best you knew right away what this was about.

This is not just a story of how I did it. But it's also a story about how fast you can lose yourself.

This is me – Aurora. Or ... it used to be me. I've changed too much. The fun fact is that it hasn't even been that long ago. Doesn't seem like a lot of time, but trust me when I tell you, that it feels like a lifetime.

That dark hair is now shorter. It doesn't have the volume and life which it did. If you'd look into my eyes now, you wouldn't see the happy blue color, which they were. You'd see gray, hollow eyes, which belong to a hollow girl, whose life got ruined. Those dead eyes are accompanied by my prominent bags under them, which I manage to hide with makeup. And my smile is gone. Just like that ... I've lost it along the way.

All in all, that's not me. Not just on the outside, but on the inside as well. Well, mostly on the inside. I ruined myself in so many ways and I don't know if I could ever be the person I was. I just don't see a way, which would make it possible.

The thing is that I cannot blame my change on anyone, except myself. I was the one who got myself into this mess. I was the one who got the man's heart to stop beating.

There is nothing I could do that would make me feel happy again. It's not like I didn't try, because I did. I tried hanging out with those few friends I had, but it didn't help. My best friend couldn't even make me feel better. It's impossible.

My best friend saw my pain. He noticed, he tried to make it go away, but didn't succeed in the slightest.

It's not like my life has been perfect before all this has happened. No, not in the slightest. A horrible thing happened to me in the past. But it happened and it changed me.

We change all the time. Sometimes we notice it, but most of the time, we don't.

God, how I wish I could go back and change everything. Maybe all those people would still be here now. I wouldn't get involved with the wrong crowd and none of the things which happened, wouldn't happen.

But I messed up.

And yet, I don't regret all of my decissions.