Tied To Me

35 - The end?

Friday, 7th April 2017

I had to lie to Keith. Just that made my heart break into a million pieces all over again. Dean came up with a lie that Ezra moved away because we had a huge fight. It was the best we could come up with at the time. Keith believed us in the end.

It was tough on him. It really broke him in half as I told him the lie. Keith must've really loved Ezra. It's not like it's hard to do that. Ezra was everything to me. I lost my everything.

Dean's been amazing through it all as well. He helped me clean up Ezra's stuff from my apartment. I did keep some of his stuff, but I threw most of it away or gave it to charity. I am not capable of having much of my dead best friend's stuff around me.

The amount of times I broke down in the past week has taken a toll on me. I couldn't even eat a full proper meal. I just didn't have the appetite. But Dean's been making sure I eat something, so I won't become sick.

I've been at his place the entire week. He offered. I probably wouldn't even be capable of being alone in the apartment where everything reminds me of my time with Ezra.

The boys know everything that has happened that night. Dean told them everything, because they needed to know that Sid's ... well, my dad's gang is done. They're not going to cause trouble around the city anymore. Some of dad's men are alive, since they weren't there, but I don't know how they're going to manage without their boss.

Not only did Ezra's death completely shatter me, I also can't shake away the fact I killed someone. That someone was my own father. But not even that. I phoned my mom a few days ago, confronting her about her cheating on my dad.

Should I even call him that?

I told her what I know and it turns out everything is true. Jeremy, my "dad", wasn't lying. She had an affair for half a year with a friend of hers. It was after my dad put all of it together that he started to get abusive towards her. We, kids, couldn't stop him. I was only 5, while Callum, the oldest, was 9. None of us could do anything.

Jeremy was never mean or abusive towards us. He has never laid a finger on us. It's odd if you think about it. He, knowing I'm not his, should at least make him hate me. Maybe he did hate me back then. He certainly did now.

"Do you need anything?" Dean asks from behind me, leaning over the head of the couch to press a light kiss to my cheek.

I shake my head. "I'm fine, thanks." I mumble and focus back on the TV. Dean comes to sit next to me on the couch and I lean my head against his shoulder.

I don't really know if Dean and I are back together, but it sure feels like it. He said he loves me. But the thing is I never said it back. And he hadn't said it again either.

He keeps kissing my cheek and forehead every so often, but he never kissed my lips. Not once. We don't even sleep in the same bed. I am in the guest room.

Dean puts his arm over my shoulder, bringing me closer to him. I put my legs over his lap and hug his waist. His bruises mostly healed. He's saying they don't even hurt anymore. I lift up my hand and gently trace the cut on his cheek.

"Does it hurt?" I quietly ask.

"Not anymore."

"It looks bad, though."

"Yeah, but trust me when I say that it doesn't hurt." I nod, believing him.

I keep tracing my finger down his cheek, jaw, chin and then his bottom lip. "You almost got beaten to death and now you're saying that nothing hurts anymore." I whisper.