Mind Over Matter (ON HOLD)

Chapter 4: First Day Nervousness

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I scowl towards the reflection mirror of myself. My hair being eternally damned as it is- struggled to behave itself today of all days. One of the greatest perks of being a black women: Thick kinky hair. The curls were rather tight after the shower and conditioner applied to it. I slicked it up into a lower bun. This was my first day working as an intern. I had to make a good impression at all times. Usually it was rather easy to take positivity and fake smiling but after yesterday's ordeal, I just couldn't manage to fake one smile.

Damn Eva for the ill subject of me to this ordeal. I should be out by now, yet here I am trying to brush my hair into submission.  I attempt, once more, to bring it under control with the brush. I roll my eyes in exasperation and gaze at the dark skinned girl with black hair and dark brown eyes. My thoughts wondering back to the secretary women who were tall and beautiful with light skin. Surely they made a well impression to the firm. With my high of being 5ft and 3 inches, it was a great benefit to have high heels invented.

Dismissing my insecure thoughts, I quickly left the bathroom and head downstairs towards the kitchen. Eva quickly poured herself some coffee into her to go cup. Her hair had been slicked up into a high ponytail. Her skin looked of a flawless light dark brown skin color. Her makeup was kept safe with a fresh natural look, making her look effortlessly beautiful. I somehow found myself throughout my entire life comparing myself with my older sister, especially whilst we were younger. She had always been the one to outshine me in terms of appearance. The constant comparison between us was visible to others, also. It was maddening. We grew up in competition due to our parents. One favoured the other. Which led both of us to drift apart.

"If you want me to drop you off on time you better take your breakfast to go." She warned as she took a sip of her coffee.

I stayed silent as I took a glutton free banana nut muffin. Gulping down the orange juice, I placed the empty glass in the sink and left the kitchen heading toward the front door. Outside was rather chilly yet it was rather relieving that it had stopped snowing heavily. Luckily the car door had been unlocked. I slid inside the car with my small case and buckled my seat belt in. I pulled out my cellphone and set up the time tracker for five minutes.

I nervously tap my foot slowly against the dashboard. My wondered off to Mr. Hart. I don't know why but I couldn't seem to take my mind off from him. His appearance was rather mesmerizing. But not my usual type. He came off as a bit arrogant for my taste. Yet there was something about him that made me feel a certain way of him.

"Okay, let's get this shitty car rolling." Eva said, startling me from my thoughts. She turns on the ignition and looked at me suspiciously. 

"What?" I ask her as I shift my eyes away from her onto the window.

"You were timing me again, weren't you?" I stayed silent yet again. She tisk at me as she pulls her car out from the small driveway.

There was no denying that there was a rather unsettled baffled anger between Eva and I. It was unsettling, arguing with my only sibling. When were we ever going get along well? I will admit, this was partially my fault. Frankly, I tend to be a rude person at times. But it was never meant to intentionally hurt anyone. Pushing people away was my specialty. If I stayed focus enough to avoid people, the less I'll get screwed over. That was the plan. I couldn't adapt an attached sisterhood bond with Eva. Or with anyone in particular. Vulnerability was my weakness.It should never be shown. I learned that from my father. Tears threaten to spill under my eyes as I reminisce the memories that Ive been avoiding for years. Which lead to vulnerability.

Rejection.

Damn it stay inside. I thought to myself, I managed to contain the tears by raising my head up towards the ceiling, staring at it with wide eyes. I keep them open without blinking and count backwards to sixty. That way if I do end up crying, I could at least cover it up to make it seem like it's not from my emotions.