Blessed By The Moon

Chapter 20

Author's note : This is the last chapter before we go back to the normal story time line.

Lost memories part 4:

A line from a book I had once read flickered to life in my thoughts: "I have been bent and broken, but – I hope – into a better shape." Those words by Charles Dickens from Great Expectations resonated with me now more than ever.

When I first encountered that sentence, I had loved its sentiment, but now, in this moment of reflection, I realized I truly understood it. Every event in my life had led me here, to this dismal fate handed over to Alpha Chris. I recognized that if I wanted to escape, I had to shut off my feelings. The pain of my situation would only hinder me.

Initially, I closed myself off completely, refusing to eat or speak. I thought that by withdrawing, I could protect myself from the anguish of my captivity. But it only took a few days for me to understand that this childish behavior was not a strategy; it was a weakness. I needed to be smarter, to play the long game. If I pretended to agree with my captors, I could earn their trust—and Daniel's—gain some freedom, and ultimately learn the layout of this place, which would make my escape easier. 

To execute my plan flawlessly, I had to take control of my own power, it was hard at first, but my body got used to the daily dosage of whatever was in that needle, and I had a bit of my powers back, they should've made the dose strong, a grave error on their part, because just a little bit of my powers is already a lot.

In our pack, I had been taught by ancient scrolls how to help ease the physical pain of others during healing rituals. It was a technique I had only ever used for injuries, but I realized it could work for emotional pain as well. 

After a few tries, I found that it didn't take much to dull my feelings. I focused on the ritual, practicing every two hours, and within three days, I had nearly mastered the art of emotional numbness.

At first, the process was liberating, to the point where I almost hesitated to leave, unsure if I needed to at all. Yet, as I reflected on my reality, the urge to escape grew stronger. 

I didn't want to be a mere vessel for someone else's ambitions, a baby carrier to fulfill the needs of an Alpha. And somewhere deep within me, I still felt the connection to my true mate, fueling my desire to reclaim my life. The escape plan crystallized in my mind; now I was ready to act.

But as I prepared to set my plan into motion, I was struck by an unsettling realization: I no longer knew how to feel. Should I be angry that they had stolen my freedom? Should I be scared that my future was no longer my own? Was I allowed to feel happy about the prospect of finally leaving? Should I fear getting caught? Was it wrong to feel excited about executing my plan? Did I have the right to thirst for revenge for the loss of my friends?

What should I even feel at all?

And what awaited me beyond these walls? What would happen when I saw my friends and family again? Was Jordan okay? Did he survive the chaos, or had he met a tragic fate? Would everyone blame me for Andrea and Katie's deaths? Were they out there searching for me, or had they already given up?

Did I truly want to go back to that life?

I had spent months meticulously planning my escape, a long enough time to forget to consider what I would do once I achieved it. The truth was, no one had taken the time to offer me a detailed description of this place, and even if they had, I wasn't the best with directions. The weight of uncertainty pressed down on me, mingling with the determination that surged in my veins.