Helpless

Chapter 6

I am staring at the door I used to have a key to. The door I never slammed out of anger. The door that I never used to hide myself. I never really think about being homeless. But now I am. I hug my flatmate one more time before she gets in a cab and drives out of my life. It's summer so it won't be cold outside at night. At least for now. I have my cardboard box and a warm, fuzzy jacket my flatmate gave me, well, ex-flatmate. I go out on to the street and find a nice park bench to sit on. I rest my box next to me and sit looking at the trees and the sky. I look until I realise it's becoming dark. I pull out the jacket and realise that the hood is removable. So I take off the hood and use it as a pillow. I use the jacket as a blanket but then realise anyone could just come by and steal my things out of my box. The jacket is ginormous so I decided to stuff the most important things, like my jewellery box and my books, inside my jacket. Then I rest the box in my lap and lay my body over the top and fall asleep.

I wake up as the sun rises and look down to the relief of all my things right where they were before. I put my books and jewellery box back into the cardboard box and then I go on a trek to find a job. I figured that I could use some money to possibly buy a small house or at least a small hotel room. My job search is going a bit slow. So I go to the local library and look up places that are hiring. I see a Starbucks, a Game store, and some other places. I think in Starbucks you have to be able to make good coffee so thats off the table. The game store it is. I walk to where it is and walk in. I look around and see how extravagant it is. I go up to the front desk and ask where I can apply for the job. They say I can come in tomorrow around 10. Perfect. My schedule is completely empty anyways.

I walk back to the library and research a London Pawn shop. They have one and it is 4 blocks away. Ok. I grab my box and look into it. I can get rid of this lamp and soccer trophy for some money. The soccer trophy won't do much but it may get me an extra dollar. I see the giant gold letters spelling the name of the shop. These things are so hard to get rid of, the trophy was from my best friends when I was a kid and my only family. The lamp was really only for my room but I don't exactly have one of those anymore. I walk in and see a bunch of glass cases holding valuable items and items I could find in a dumpster. I walk up to a man behind a case and ask him how much I could get for the lamp. He looks at it up and down and offers me around 30 to 40 pounds. It's better than nothing. I take it and they take the trophy which they kindly gave me 15 pounds for after hearing my sob story. I leave with 50 pounds in cash and walk to get a job at the game store.

They interview me and they see that I have no resumé. They aren't sure if they can accept me because all I have is a high school diploma. They ask me for a phone number. I don't have one. They asked for an email. I don't have one. An address. I don't have one. I ask them for a date when I can come in and see if I got the job. They decide to go ahead and let me have the job unless they have someone else come in. They have been hiring for months but have never found anyone. They tell me that I can come in tomorrow. This is my first job and I'm excited. I use the money I got for the lamp to buy a backpack so I can carry my books and jewellery box. I find my way to the park bench I slept on last night. I sit there and look at the stars. Looking at the couples walking around holding hands. Watching squirrels chase each other up trees. Birds twirling around each other in the sky. Robins snuggle in their nests with their babies. Love has infected nature and somehow I missed the boat. I have never felt or been in love. I seem to scare boys away with my scars. One time in my freshman year I had a crush on a boy and he found out. He told everyone I liked him and I started getting made fun of. I became a recluse and lost all 3 of my friends. It's getting dark again. I turn the backpack to my front and sleep with it on my chest.

I wake up on the cold bench. I realise the sun is finally rising and I sit to look at the sunrise. It's beautiful. I but my backpack on my back and walk towards the game store. I walk in and a little bell goes off above my head. The manager comes in and tells me to head to the back and put on the extra uniform they have. I put on the uniform and walk out into the main part of the store. The store is busy and full. I have not been taught how to work the cash registers or anything so I get told I am in charge of "floor design". That basically means I have to make it look nice and not like trash. I can't do that. I pull things way back in the shelves forward so you can see them. I quite enjoy this. I soon learn how to properly handle the cash register, and how to handle deliveries of new games and things.

I become friends with someone I work with. Her name is Sammy. She's pretty cool but she seems to always be injured in some way. It's fine though, sometimes she lets me ride her little knee-scooter-thing. We have begun to hang out. She has never asked about my personal life, which I like. I get comfortable around her, I've only felt this way around Dan and Phil. We hang out, never somewhere expensive. She knows that this job is the only things keeping me afloat. She picks me up from work and we go on little, priceless adventures. It becomes the highlight of everyday. She buys me lunch a lot and we say she "keeps me alive" she doesn't know that she probably is right. I love her to death. I trust her and we find one day we are in deep conversation and I slowly start telling her about my old life. She comforts me while I cry in the middle of Panera Bread. She knows everything now and I can't help but feel a weight off of my shoulders.

I have been working here for maybe a month now and I'm content. It's all twisted around again when I hear the beep above the door of the store ring. No different than normal. Now two important individuals walk through the door.