The Beast Within Us

Chapter 19: Want

Conan's POV:

"For the last time Elle, I'm fine!"

"You were attacked!" She yells. "You shouldn't be going anywhere you should be on protective lockdown!"

"The Pack of To Dásos throws their gala every year and I haven't gone since... since Juliette died..." I quietly say. "I'm going this year."

Elle groans and pinches the bridge of her nose like an annoyed mother who has had enough of her troublesome pup. I laugh at her and she instantly glares at me. I ignore her scowl and continue to get ready for tonight.

Suddenly, pain rings through my body. The scar from the claw wound begins to burn. I hunch over and place a hand over the wound. I grunt as Elle is by my side in an instant.

"Conan--"

"I'm fine!" I say through clenched teeth.

"You're in pain!" Elle retorts. "You need to rest! You can go to the gala next year!"

I stand up and brush her aside, "Elle, I'm going. You're going as well."

"I don't want to go. I don't like parties." She says.

I roll my eyes, "That's not true. You deserve to have fun."

"You do too." She sighs. "I guess... after all that has happened, you deserve... some fun..."

"Thanks..." I say.

"Do you remember what you said before you blacked out from the blood loss?" She asks. I look at her confused.

"What?"

"You said 'You miss her.'" She says. "And how you hope she misses you too..."

I sigh and turn away from her, "It was a moment of weakness. I thought I was dying."

"That was no moment of weakness, Conan." Elle states. "Those where true emotions. It's been a while since I've seen you express real emotions."

"Elle--"

"You still think about her." She cuts in. "Delilah's always on your mind, isn't she?"

"Elle, I don't want to do this back and forth bit with you right now." I say.

Elle crosses her arms over her chest and looks at me, waiting for an answer. I take a deep breath and sigh, knowing I can't escape her if I wanted to.

"Not a day goes by that I am not constantly thinking about her and what she's doing..." I quietly say. "Sometimes I think Delilah is just dead but..."

"But what?" Elle asks.

"I know she's not dead," I state. "She's a fighter, she can't be dead. But I may have killed her a little inside..."

"It took you almost dying to realize that?" Elle asks. I glare at her and she holds up her hands defensively.

"Sorry. Sorry." She says. "It's just that- if you ever find her, your going to want her to come back there is no doubt in that, but she just might not. If that happens, would you be able to accept that..?"

"What choice do I have?" I say. "I lost the right to make the decision when I lost what I wanted the most. Hell, I didn't even know I wanted it till it was too late..."

"What do you want, Conan?" Elle asks.

"Her..."