Chapter 8
i try not to think about what happend about a week ago too much but it pops in my head every second of every minutes of every hour. its even started to come into my dreams, my dreams used to be my place to escape from the life i was living but it doesnt seem like thats how things are going to be from now on or at least until something else bad happens and i forget all about what happend to me and my i guess u could call roomate.
it was just a normal stupid tuesday.
***
we were walking around in the mall and then all of the sudden my bestfriend who i also lived with was laying on the cold mall tile floor with blood and spit all over the ground. i didnt know what to so i just sat there crying and also sitting right there next to her. i couldnt call anyone because i didn have a phone. i didnt run because people would have thought i killed her.
well i didnt i never would.
***
i never would have thought my life could get any worse but i guess it had to for some reason. now i was homeless and starving for food. i was also alone because as i had already known i didnt have any other friends and nore would i probably have any ever again. i knew there was always a reason why she was friends with me i just didnt know why. i couldnt understand why someone as rich as her would want to be friends with me.
i guess i'll never know either. not now not ever.
i wouldnt ever get to see my bestfriend again. i would never have her to lean on anymore. it was just me and the world i guess. im not sure why i havent been killed or thrown in prision yet.
since my bestfriends death i've started drinking, doing drugs and just about anything else you could think of that i shouldnt be doing. im only 18 and was already a total mess. but its not like i've changed since then i've just added a few things in a taken a few things out.
i dont like the way im living and i'd rather not anyone know who i am so most people who think they know me dont. the only person who really knew me was my bestfriend. i'd rather not make any new friends or even start to think they were my friends because if i became friends with them they would probably get shot or killed somehow.
i would rather be alone forever than go through that again. it caused anough pain and trouble to my life i didnt need anymore, even though i should be telling myself this because i wasnt doing anything right. i was always in trouble- with the law, people in general, my family which somehow after my bestfriends death popped up hoping i would join their "proper life style" well sorry but no. i'd rather get thrown in prision and probably get beat up by some tough chick who knew i was weak then live with those assholes. they would treat me like a baby and by me a bunch of shit i didnt need.
i wanted to for some reason prove to people that i was strong and i could make it by myself. it might take a while but all i wanted was hope. and maybe even a little happyness. even though i was far from any of that, theres always hope and a time for a second chance.
a second chance is all i needed. to re-do everything in my life that i'd done wrong which was about everything i had ever done really.
