Forbidden Fantasies

Chapter 4: Desires

I sat there on his bed taken back by the words that just escaped from his mouth, is he really confessing his true feelings for me? Could this actually be real? I would never think this day would come, it has honestly just been a desire in my head.

"So you just going to sit there and act like you didn't hear what I just said," Tj said snapping his fingers in my face

"Yeah I heard what you said, I'm just a little surprised that you actually said that," I said looking down at my hands

"Look I know this is new to you, just as it is new to me, New is not even the right word, it is feelings and desires that we go through, and I have finally found a person that feels the same way as I do, and I don't feel like this freak for feeling this way," he said grabbing my hands looking into my eyes

"I know your scared, I'm scared too! My sexuality has never been easy. I was raised to like women, and have sex with women, and reproduce with women, but until about a year ago that all changed, and I started to have deeper feelings for the same sex, he said closing his eyes taking a deep breath

"What do you mean that all changed a year ago?" I said sounding concerned

"Last year I went to go visit my sister in New York, and she is a straight businesswoman like my mom was, so she was mostly gone all day, and I really didn't know the city like that, mind you I have had feeling for guys for awhile now, so I went on that app called tinder, and low and behold it was niggas everywhere around me that wanted to get down, so I was contemplating for like a whole day if I wanted to even try something like this cause niggas these days are crazy, but my desire to know how it felt grew stronger, so I did!

I found this one guy that based off his pics looked good, so I hit him up and we talked for about an hour, until I finally decided he sound legit. He lived about a block away so it didn't take me long to get there, and one thing lead to another, and we ended up fucking, more than once, like 3 times in one day! For someone reason it just felt so right to me, I loved every moment of it, it was way different than being with a girl. And after we talked and everything, and he told me about his life, and I told him what my situation was, and we low key had similar paths.

"Do you and that person still talk," I said raising a brow

"I mean we do every now and then, but nothing serious," he said "Nothing you would have to worry about, that is in the past and I'm tying to look into the future........... with you.........

"This is all new to me Tj, I've had these desires and feelings, but I never thought I would act on them. This is not an easy lifestyle, I don't want to start something, and hurt someone in the process, or even hurt myself, feeling wise," I said looking down into my hands

"That's what I'm trying to say to Jason, I would never hurt you, I want to experience life with you, and I would never do something to jeopardize your feelings getting hurt," he said grabbing onto my hands

"Tj sometimes, you never know what your capable of because you said yourself you have never been in a serious relation with a guy, just messed around, so to be honest, you could do or say something and it could hurt me, but you would never know because it wouldn't seem like a big deal to you. This is something I need to think over, trust me I really want to say yes, I just need to weigh out my pros and cons before I give you a straight answer," I said getting up walking towards the door

"Well let me just leave you off with these," he said grabbing me by the waist and began to kiss me.

The way he kissed was so passionate, like he was making sure I said yes, his lips was so soft, and our lips moved in perfect sync, it was like real, but unreal at the same time, and his grip around my waist was so firm, as to say he would never hurt me, but I had to pull myself together, and not let this confuse my judgment.