amity // phan

seventeen.

-dan-

After the beach, our world didn't actually end for another six days.

And I didn't even notice how he was crumbling.

All week, I went to school, not seeing the sun coming for the earth. I drove home with Phil, not noticing the grenade pin clutched in my fingers. I laughed with him, not seeing the bags under his eyes.

It finally started on a Friday afternoon, at about ten in the morning. I was walking to my second class of the day– I had a big test coming up– when I heard Phil shout my name. I turned, and saw him running down the hallway towards me, electricity falling from his fingers.

"Hey," I said, when he caught up with me. "What's going-"

Phil kissed me before I got the words out.

Then he grabbed my hand, tight, and we were running together. His fingers were steady in mine as we shoved through the people in front of us, tearing up the ground beneath us.

Some of his lightning was slipping into my veins.

We ran for almost a minute, until Phil found an empty classroom. He picked the lock on the door, and shut it behind us. We sat on the ground, our backs pressed up against the wall.

"Are you okay?" I asked him.

He nodded.

"So all that running and stuff-"

"Don't worry about it," he said quietly. His chest was still heaving. Then Phil looked over at me, and his fingers found mine again.

He traced his thumb over the back of my hand.

"Are we hiding from someone?" I asked. "You can tell me if we are. Or did you– did you hurt someone? Are we–"

"It's nothing like that," he said. And for the first time, I noticed how hollow he was, how tired he was, how thinly he'd been stretched. "I just want this feeling to last."

"To last before what?"

"Before I leave the room . . . and the world starts again."

I paused, and I could feel the dull sense of dread building in my stomach, gnawing at my chest. And I could feel the way that Phil didn't want to meet my eyes, like he was scared of them.

"What's going on?" I asked. "If something happened– you can tell me, okay? I won't care."

He bit his lip, shook his head. "Can we just pretend for a little?" he asked. "Can we just be together for a few minutes? Be something good again? Please, I– I just need someone who doesn't hate me."

His eyes met mine, and I was falling again.

"Yeah," I said finally. "Yeah, okay."

Phil squeezed my hand, and it was a quiet thank you.

And then we were kissing again.

Kissing until I forgot who I was and who he was and why we were here and what we were doing and everything except for his lips.

Kissing until I didn't want to remember.

And then we were soft, and he was holding me. Again, silence took root between us, but it was comfortable. His breath was warm, and light was leaking out of his skin. It was hard to tell where he stopped and where I began.

A few minutes later, the overhead speakers crackled to life, and the rest of the world caught up with us.

"Could Phil Lester come to the main office, please?"

Phil smiled, but his eyes were too bright. He leaned his head on my shoulder, his hands still holding onto mine. "I'd better go," he said after a moment.

He kissed me again, then stood up. He slung his bag over his shoulder, his movements slow and content.

"I love you," he said, and he smiled at me.

And I was dissolving.

Then he shut the door behind him, and I was left alone.

My arms were left to hold where his arms used to be, my lungs were left to breathe in empty air, and my heart was left to pump empty blood.

The sun was shining, but all the flowers were dead.

-

By the time I got to the principal's office, Damien and Spencer were already waiting outside. Both of them looked sorely out of place, their hands stuffed into their pockets.

Neither of them said anything after I showed up.

And then I noticed, the way that both of them were pale with worry. And the way that both of them were dead quiet.

"Is he okay?" I asked, my voice catching.

Spencer shrugged. "His dad showed up a few minutes ago."

And so the three of us stood there, helplessly watching the door to the principal's office. I felt my legs sinking into the floor, as the minutes ticked by, as the ice settled over us.

And then:

The door opened, and Phil slipped out. His hands were hanging limply at his sides, his eyes dull. He was followed out by a man– who I assumed was his dad. He was the same height as Phil, and with the same sharp blue eyes, but his hair was streaked with grey.

Phil caught my gaze for a second, just a second, then left the school with his dad.

My knees gave out after that, and I sank to the ground. Spencer and Damien sat down next to me. And we stayed there as the world spilled into silence.

Phil had been suspended for vandalism of school property.

Apparently, he'd torn a locker off of its hinges, replaced it with another one. The air rushed out of my lungs when I figured it out.

And it felt like the world was empty.

All that was left was a fiery red sky, and the place where Phil Lester used to be.

- - -

an///

Next chapter will be up on the 12th. After that, updates will be every saturday.

Thoughts??

This chapter was a bit weird but i hope you liked it anyway.

Okok i'll see you soon xoxx