amity // phan

Epilogue.

-dan-

It was the end.

The end of an era, at the very least.

I could feel change swirling around all of us. I could feel possibilities– good and bad– grabbing at our heels, waiting to pull us into the rest of our lives.

Phil pretended that he could drive faster than the world could transform, but really, this was the end of things.

They'd graduated. Phil was taking a gap year. So were Spencer and Amelia– they were going traveling together, now that they were dating. Damien was going straight to university, and I had two years of high school left.

But in the meantime, the five of us sped down the road, driving out to some farm that was owned by Amelia's cousin, driving past all the old memories stacked up on the pavement.

When we climbed out of the car, the day was soft and pale around us, the sky was hazy from the smoke of a nearby forest fire. We were in the absolute, brilliant, middle of nowhere.

"What are we doing here, exactly?" I asked.

Phil smiled at me, his hand resting on the small of my back. "This is sort of a tradition," he replied. "We come here every year when school ends."

So I walked behind the group, and saw the huge blue silo they were approaching, saw the way it cut into the sky. We walked around to the back, and I saw the ladder that went up the side of it, right to the roof– there was a silver cage that wrapped around it, making it look like a tunnel to the sky, almost.

"No way," I said, shaking my head. "I'm not climbing that thing."

"No pressure," Phil said. "But it's not that scary. It's a sturdy ladder, and there are a few benches at the top - there's a great view."

"No way," I repeated, and I sat down in the grass.

Phil just said, "Suit yourself."

And then the four of them were off, climbing up and up and up, getting smaller and smaller. I saw them all get to the top, I saw them wave down at me, and I waved back. I heard the laughs and shouts from the top, the kind that came from being young and invincible.

I sat on the grass for a moment, just watching, forever waiting.

And then I walked to the bottom of the ladder, and I looked up. I was staring up, my hand resting on the bottom rung - I was looking up through the cage, the tunnel to the sky, and I could feel my heart in my throat.

At first, it was easy, because I was only a few feet off the ground.

Even when I was high up, I wasn't scared, exactly - because even though my arms were aching and my fingers were sore and I didn't want to fall, I could hear their voices floating above me, and I could feel how I was also young and invincible and how I wasn't going to be left behind anymore.

When I reached the top – when I pulled myself up onto the flat roof of the silo – it felt like waking up for the first time in my life.

I stood still for a moment, and I almost wanted to cry, because there they were: the idiots I'd grown to love, all looking out at their futures. And then I looked over, looked at Phil freaking Lester, and he was the best part of all.

Because while everyone else was surprised that I'd made it up, Phil just looked happy.

I walked over to the bench on the top of the world, and sat down next to him. He smiled, kissed me on the cheek, and said, "What took you so long?"

There was nothing else to say after that, not really. We looked out at the sky and the ground, and it was shifting, all of it. The soft greens and blues and pinks, the flowers growing in the air. Everything around us was ending and starting and ending and starting and I was there, my heart on my sleeve, with the inexplicable feeling that I'd made it, somehow, to the good part of my life.

I was alive, alive, alive.

- - -

///an

So,

this is it, i guess.

Thoughts?

i hope you liked this silly little chapter– and i hope you're all happy that i decided to give this thing a happy ending lmao.

I started this story almost two years ago now, and it's almost crazy, looking at this strange and sprawling and beautiful thing it's turned into. Im so glad that i stuck with this one.

For those who are wondering what's next, I'm going to be completely honest in saying that i probably won't be doing much more on wattpad. i'll still be kicking around on AO3 under the same name if you want to find me there - i'll absolutely do a few more one shots, but there won't be much more phan in my future.

Thanks @danandphilphann, you absolute darling. You were probably the only reason i ever finished this thing, and im sosososo lucky to have u .

Thanks to those of you who actually took time out of your busy lives to read this, it's meant the world to me.

I really hope you all loved this story as much as i did

Thanks for putting up with me, xx