Scintilla

42 - Atrophied

Your smiles atrophied for the lack of use

The genuine soft smile that showed your teeth

The smile that made me hear flutters of butterflies

Is now covered by a practiced, stiff uplifting of your lip

That I never dare to call the same

Your notions that I fell for

Is now filled with memorized lines

And long forgotten beliefs

Of how unicorns exist

And how aliens were real

The cymbals that sounded like your laugh

Is now numbered by how many "haha" will it take

To fill the silence in the awkward conversation

The tears that I only saw when you're laughing so much is now gone

Because your tears are now only reserved at night

And on your pillow

And for the stress above your head

And sadness and regrets inside your chest

The tears that I once saw when you're crying so badly

You needed others for the mere support to stand

And your words slur, because of the uncontrolled sobs

Is now gone

Because no tears are coming out now

Even when I know and I see

You're crying beneath your blank expression, and your perfect speech

And now, I wonder, and I ask

Will you, the boy who dipped his paint

And painted my life with bright shining colors

Be what the person in this poem soon be

Because I pray to the stars

And I promised to the gods

That you will not be.

You will never ever be.