Paint You the Way You Are

PORCELAIN

Warning! There is a mention of attempted rape in this chapter.
Otherwise, enjoy.

XXXX

FELIX

I really fucked up.

I can't believe what's happening right now.

I'm shaking and tears are falling on the floor. I'm dying and he's taking everything.

I hate myself for it and I hate him. I really hate him.

I want to scream, any way to let people know what's going on, but his hand is holding my mouth. I can't breathe, but that's the least of it. I can feel him undressing me. And I scream.

And the world doesn't care.

I see double, I can't figure out where I am or what's happening. Yet I know what he's doing is wrong.

And the world is spinning.

I can't breathe.

I'm dying.

And he's taking everything.

He pins me against the wall and pulls my hair. I scream, but my scream can't be heard.

I'm scared.

And the world fades away.

I close my eyes and try to run away.

But everything is a blur. The first thing tells me to just fight, but I'm too weak to fight him. I feel myself shaking and nothing makes sense.

I make a movement, not sure what it is, I fumble, and everything is fuzzy, but it helps. Suddenly I'm on the ground. I feel free. I start to crawl away, but he grabs my ankle. I try to shake him off, kicking my legs and finally breathing and screaming.

The door bursts open and someone runs in. I don't recognize him, but he seems to recognize me.

After that, I don't remember anything.

I wake up in the dark. It's so dark I can't see an inch.

I pull myself up to a sitting position and I get sick and roll over and puke on the floor.

I crawl across the bed, feel something on my hand. When I touch it, I yank it out. I don't know why I don't like the feeling.

My hands are shaking.

I try to find the door, but I'm like a drunk.

And the world is spinning.

When I feel the knob, the door bursts open and a blinding light enters the room.

I slump to the floor and grab my head.

Nothing makes sense.

Someone's talking, but i cant' hear it.

People are around me, carrying me.

They put me back to bed.

Someone talks and the world is spinning.

Something stabs me in the arm, and I fall asleep a few seconds later.

I'm sitting on a plane looking out the window. I'm covered with a blanket the stewardess brought me, and I think about what happened in Japan. My manager, Ilyeop, checks on me every five minutes, and I always tell him I'm fine, even if it's a lie. Ever since he dragged me to that party and left me alone with that pervert, I've not been okay.

I can't believe he let that happen. Not only did he ruin my career, but he also got me drugged and almost raped. The only positive aspect of all this is that I barely remember it. It all happened in a fog, so I don't even remember the guy's face.