The Witness (H.S.)

16

Critical I take in my reflection in the mirror. The dark blue bikini fits good on my body, but is cut short. I've the feeling my butt is only half way covered and that makes me insecure. I know I don't need to hide my body but I think every women has that one spot she's insecure about no matter what other people tell her. Now you could assume that I'm unhappy with my belly because I ran through a pregnancy, but no, it's not that. Those marks I wear with pride. I'm dissatisfied with my thighs and now to see that the bottom of my bikini is barely covering any of them makes me doubt myself. But maybe it's just the reason behind why I'm wearing a bikini in the first place. Gemmas pool party or 'a barbeque with friends' what she called it. My stomach is in knots because I'm scared one of Gemmas friends could recognise me and for the first time I'm not ready to move again. I would have never thought that I would feel so homey in Holmes Chapel. I'm aware that that's probably because of the Styles-siblings. But I like the charm of the village with its idyllic streets, the wide fields and the friendly inhabitants, too. And the size is perfect as well. You see the same faces when going for a walk what gives you the feeling of familiarity and at the same time you know nothing about for example the friendly woman from the hardware store or the nice old man reading his newspaper for hours in the park. You stay anonymous, are a face in the crowd if you want to and yet you somehow are included. Going to a party though means interacting with people, conversing and answering questions. And those are to be expected when you're the new one in town. If Harry just would be back already... nothing against Gemma, but he's making me feel comfortable on a  different level. I can't explain it myself, but when he's there I feel safe. Sighing I change into a blue dress, smooth down the skirt and turn away from the mirror. 

"What toys you'd like to take with you, Ava?", I ask my daughter. Her tiny body is covered by a Minnie mouse bikini and a summer dress. Her shoulder length hair is pulled into pigtails, tips curling in the cutest way.   

"My dolly", she says and runs into her room to get it. I grab a small white purse and put my phone and key in it.
Afterwards we head downstairs together.

"You're ready to go?", Josh asks as soon as we enter the kitchen to get the cake I made. I needed to clear my head again.

"Yeah, let's", I say and with Ava on my hand I follow him to the neighbours. Josh slings briefly his arm over my shoulder as we reach the door. I take a deep breath then ring the bell.

"It's going to be alright, Hayden", he whispers. I nod and then the door opens already. Gemma greets us friendly and invites us in. I hand her the cake and afterwards we follow her into the yard. When I notice that some of Gemmas friends are already here I automatically reach for Joshs hand. He squeezes mine briefly to assure me.

"Hey guys, that're Hayden and Josh and their daughter Ava", Gemma introduces us and points to the different persons to introduce them to us.

"That's Amber...", she points to a skinny redhead with freckles and green eyes.

"...that's Virgina, but she prefers Gina..."- a model with long blonde hair and without a doubt the woman on Harrys side in the picture I've seen in the news. Immediately I want to leave.

"... John..." - a tall, muscular guy with long dark blonde hair, beard and more tattoos on his arm one could count -

"... and that's Maggie." The latter is a curvy beauty with shiny black hair. A round of 'hello's' and 'how are ya's' is audible as we sit at the table with them. Ava directly crawls on my lap and buries her face on my chest. For a while we answer the typical questions about origin, profession and where we know Gemma from, before smaller groups are forming and having conversations of their own. First a familiar, deep voice lets everyone pause and turning their heads to the patio door. And my heart jumps in my chest. But falls like a stone when I become aware that he's probably here because his girlfriend is too.