The Witness (H.S.)

13

With the next day starts a new everyday life for Ava and me. Josh accompanies us on all our ways: to nursery school, to work, to stores, from work back home etc. Furthermore I had to give him all the names of my work colleagues and of Avas early childhood teachers so that he could run a background check on them. But that didn't keep him from scolding me for not giving him the information earlier because that's what his job is. He promised to stay close by while I'm at work and again assured me that Ava is cared for too. It's only the first day and to say that I feel limited in my space isn't necessary. I can't imagine how I'll feel in a couple of weeks. Even though I can't see him from my position behind the register I can still feel his eyes on my every move. It does awake a feeling of safety to know there's someone watching over me but at the same time I feel watched and that inhibits me. Yet, the time in the bakery passes by in the blink of an eye and I find myself next to Josh on our way to the day care and then home. When we reach our home I look into the stunned face of Gemma, sitting like so often before on the porch awaiting my return.

"Hey Gems. I thought we'd see each other later?", I say and look at her questioning. We did schedule our girls night for later in the day.

"Hey. Yeah. I thought we could start our evening early. Mum is already home and Robin won't be back until later", she explains and surveys Josh curiously.

"Oh, ugh, Gem, you remember Josh?" She nods and holds her hand out for him to shake.

"Hey." Meanwhile I unlock the door and enter the house. After taking Avas and my shoes off I head like so often firstly into the kitchen to put water in the kettle. Gemma follows closely and awaits with crossed arms for an explanation.

"What?", I ask.

"You really wanna act as if it's totally normal that a guy I just saw you once with walks in and goes instantly upstairs?"

"Yes. I can't just stop him. It's his house, too, Gems", I simply state and get cups out of the cabinet.

"What do you mean? It's his house, too?", she asks stunned.

"Like I said it. Gem, Josh is my husband", I let the cat out of the bag, even though I really hate to lie again. I know this friendship is doomed and that's heavy on my heart.

"Your husband? As in married?" I'm not sure if she could open her eyes any wider without dropping her eyeballs.

"Yes, as in", I confirm and watch her reaction. She frowns, probably replaying each conversation we ever had to find out if I ever mentioned him.

"You're married?", she asks more to herself than me.

"Yes, I am", I confirm again.

"Ok", she breathes and takes a seat at the table. After pouring water over the teabags I carry cup after cup to the table and sit down too. I watch how Gemma surveys Josh closely as he eventually sits with us but keeps her questions and confusion to herself. We converse in superficial small talk. When we finish our teas I let Josh know where I'm going. Ava is right by my side when I follow Gemma through the yard to her house. Maybe we should think about adding a door to the fence. The awkward tension between us is gone when Anne joins us and lightens the mood with her kind nature. I can't remember ever having experienced something similar. The dynamics between those two women is so much more than just the mother-daughter connection. They are best friends, too, something I admire and always wished for but will never have. Not with my mother. Maybe with my own daughter someday. Even though the familiarity in each gesture and word between them is palpable there was not one moment I felt like the third wheel. With newly done nails, a facial mask and a glass of sparkling wine for us and orange juice for Ava we sat on the couch in the living room watched 'Dirty Dancing' and gushed over Johnny Castle. The time ran way to fast like always when one enjoys something and so it was time for Ava and me to head home seeing that my alarm clock goes off early morning.