It started as feeling in my gut, like a churning that could be mistaken for hunger. But that is not what it was. It was the beginning of something great and horrible at the same time. Because of you I lie awake all through the night, scared to dream of you kissing other lips, holding other hands. Which is completely stupid because you don't even kiss mine or hold mine even though I wish everyday that you would. For years I have prayed every night for you, except I didn't know I was praying for you. You were nothing but a faceless dream until you weren't. Until you were real. So real I could reach out and touch you, but I don't. Because you don't belong to me. I hope, and dream, and pray every night that you will look at me, and see me. See someone that you could love and care for, see someone that you could spend the rest of your life with. And I want to be that person. But I don't know how to. Because my lips have never touched another's and neither have yours. I love the way you never let me carry a chair or be in the back of a line, I love the way you call me if I leave without saying goodbye, the way you worry so deeply that you loose sleep to find a way to make me feel better. Or the way you notice a change so subtle in my expression that not even my parents would. And I refuse to use those three little words yet, but I'm pretty sure they are the ones that are making my heart beat faster.
