To Love a Son

Twenty Three.

       

A/N: another chapter! I had surgery this morning so I'm a bit out of it but trying to get something done while I'm resting.  Please let me know what you think.

It had been a week since it all happened and I was back at CaraCara during the day, getting work done with Luann. I had to admit that it helped to keep my mind busy so I took to working full hours. I stayed away from the shop and the club house as much as possible and the guys seemed to be understanding of that. Happy had tried to sleep in the same bed as me but as soon as he fell asleep, I moved to the guest bedroom.

He hadn't been so happy with that but he didn't argue. The problem was that I knew eventually, sleeping in the same bed wouldn't be enough for him. He was a man and men had needs, needs that I couldn't meet at the moment. He didn't say anything about it but I could see it on his face. He was angry.

I was sitting in the office at CaraCara working on the books when Lyla walked in with a bag of food in her hand. She gave me a small smile before sitting across the desk from me and pulling the food out.

"Okay, pretty lady, it's lunch time." She handed me the chicken salad that I had asked for but I pushed it to the side.

"I'm in the middle of some stuff, I'll take my lunch later." I told her but she just smirked.

"Yeah, sure you will." She took a bite of her own salad before giving me a knowing look. I rolled my eyes before popping the lid off the container and taking a bite.

"Happy?"

"You bet." She smirked and I smiled lightly. "Are you going to the shop after work?"

"Probably not." I responded without looking away from the papers. "Are you?"

"Yeah, Opie said he is going to be there late and I told him I'd take dinner by."

I finally looked up at her. "Huh." I wondered if Happy was going to be staying late too, odds are if Opie was there late it meant that it was club business. "Could you take Happy something to?"

She looked me over with a confused look. "Yeah, sure." There was a moment of silence. "You just staying away because the guys or..."

"I'm just not that comfortable being surrounded by men, no matter who they are."

Lyla didn't get the chance to respond because Luann walked in. "Carmen, Happy just walked in. I think he is looking for you."

"Thanks." I left the office, leaving the two blondes alone together and saw Happy standing near Juice who was watching some porn stars get ready for their scene. Happy saw me walking towards him and met me half way. "Hey, what's up?" I crossed my arms over my chest, the tension between us was obvious and we both felt it.

"I'm going to be late tonight. Got club shit to take care of."

"Yeah, Lyla said something. She is taking Opie dinner so I'll have her bring you something too."

"You don't want to stop by with her?" He asked, looking down at me with confused eyes.

"No, I'm probably gonna be here a little late and then I'll head home."

"Make sure you call Juice before you leave, I'll have him follow you."

"Yeah of course." Neither of us knew what to do next. We weren't very affectionate lately but that was probably my fault. "Uhm, I'll see you at home."

He gave me a stiff nod before turning and walking out the door with Juice behind him. When I went back into the office both Luann and Lyla were gone. My salad was still sitting on the desk, waiting for me, so I picked out two pieces of chicken before putting the lid back on and dropping it in the trash bin under the desk.

The rest of the day went by like the last, in a blur. The actors had left, Lyla went to take the guys food, and Luann left me to lock up. I had called Juice and was just waiting for him to show up, imagine my surprise when it was Jax who walked through the door.

"I thought Juice was coming."

"I told him I got it, figured you and I could talk." He gave me that look, the one that said, 'I know you'. "Come on, I'll follow you home."

When I got to the house, Jax followed me inside and shut the door behind us.

"What's up?" I asked as I dropped onto the couch with my legs folded under me.

"Look," he took a seat across from me, "I just wanted to see how you're doing."

I rolled my eyes, "You know how I'm doing."

"I'm worried." He admitted. "Hap says you're sleeping in the other room, you don't come by the club house anymore and you're looking thin."

"I'm just working through it, Jax."

"You having an issue being close to Hap?" He was concerned but I shook my head. It was time to be honest.

"Jax, I'm damaged goods. Hap is a possessive man and I've been used. I can't give him what he needs right now because I'm not ready and I know he has to get it somewhere."

Jax gave me a look of disbelief. "Carmen, Hap isn't sleeping with anyone else." I stayed quiet. "Remember when you first got here and he put you through Detox?  He stayed by your side for a long before you two did anything. Hap ain't with you for the sex, baby sis, Hap is with you because he loves you." I didn't know what to say to him so I didn't respond. "Look, I gotta get back to the club house but think about what I said."

I watched him leave and I got up to lock the door behind him. Maybe he was right but maybe he wasn't.

I took a shower and got ready for bed, by the time I was actually ready to go to sleep, I heard the front door open. I knew it was Happy so I sat up in the bed, waiting for him to enter our room. He finally walked in after a few moments and took his cut off, setting it over the chair in the corner.

"We need to talk." He said, I was caught off by his words. "Jax told me what you said."

Great, I thought. Just great. "Look, it's fine. I know that you have needs and..." He cut me off with a dark look.

"Are you kidding me?" He asked, his voice deep and angry. "The only need I have is you, Carmen. If you're hurting then I'm hurting. I'm not going anywhere so don't think that I am. Damnit Carmen, I love you."

My eyes went wide at his words, after months this was the first time that he had ever said the words. My heart started racing as tears fell from my eyes, a sudden relief had hit my heart, his look instantly went to one of confusion as he came around to my side of the bed and sat next to me.

"Carmen, why are you crying?"

"I love you to." I responded through the soft tears and he smiled before pulling me into his arms and kissing my head.

"I'm not going anywhere Carmen, you're my girl."