Bad Liar

Chapter Three

~Alice~

My foot nervously tapped the speckled cream coloured floor of the doctors waiting room, I sat with my fingers in my lap nervously playing with them as my eyes scanned the bland off white walls that were scattered with health related posters. I reached into my pocket for my phone and began aimlessly scrolling through twitter half absorbing what I was reading.

"Alice Carter?" A door on the far right opened and out stepped a tall man with floppy dark hair, a tight blue shirt with a black lanyard strewn over his strong neck. My shaky legs trailed behind mum and dad as we walked into the room, the same cream carpet and off white walls spilling into this room as well.
I sat down with dad on my left and mum on my right, facing the doctor who had introduced himself as 'Doctor Mills.'
"So I believe we're here because your parents are concerned about you having anxiety Alice?" I mutely nodded my head, staring past his right ear and out of the window.
"Can you explain to me how you feel when this anxiety is happening?" He gently lent forward on the desk locking to my gaze.
"It starts feeling like the walls are closing in, I shake and I can't breath properly, it's like, it's like my mind starts racing and won't stop my thoughts become jumbled and everything becomes dangerous." Dad placed his arm reassuringly around my shoulder drawing light circles into the material of my shirt.

"When was your last panic attack?" He asked as he spun to his computer and began typing away.
"Yesterday, at my sisters wedding."
"What normally triggers the panic attacks?" People asking irritating and personal questions, making me feel uncomfortable.
"I don't know." I snapped back, there isn't one specific trigger there's lots of little things, most of them in my head.
"Okay, what triggered the one yesterday?" He smiled softly at me.
"Being in the crowded space." He typed things up for a minute the clicking filling the void of silence, I glanced at mum and she smiled at me.
"Now Alice I need to ask these questions and I'm sorry if they make you feel uncomfortable, but it's better to be honest because then we can help you properly." My heart jumped into my mouth and began beating rapidly as I tried to predict what he was going to ask, he wouldn't would he?
Dad's arm tensed around me and mums smile dropped, yet they both looked like they were expecting this, anticipating it even.

"Have you ever self harmed or had any suicidal thoughts?" My hands clenched tightly around the arms of the chair sending a bright alarming white across my knuckles, the cuts from yesterday taunted me from under my sleeves begging me to lie. I was sure I had hesitated for far too long to be believable, I was sure that even if the doctor didn't see through the lie then my parents would, I always had been a bad liar.
"No." I smiled sweetly trying to stop the grimace from falling onto my lips instead.
"Okay that's brilliant." My shoulders sank down as I let out a sigh of relief, for once I did something right.

"So from what you have told me I am confident in saying you do have anxiety, I am going to refer you to a councillor who specialises in anxiety disorders in teens who can formally diagnose you and help you with coping strategies and potentially medication." Again I became mute only nodding my head, mum asked how long it would take and he said it depends on the waiting list but we will get a letter when they have received the referral.

~Mick's p.o.v~

My eyes gazed over Alice's soft features, running my hand lightly through her hair as she slept soundly with her head resting on my lap. Her small knees were tucked up slightly with her feet pressing against the end of the sofa, her arms crossed securely over her chest.

Linda crossed the room and sat in the chair by the large window, "Mick?" I turned my head softly toward her letting a smile fall up my lips.
"Yes baby?" I questioned becoming worried with the frown deep set on her lips, the clouded look in her eyes.
"Do you believe her?" She asked gently her gaze falling upon Alice.
"About what?" My gaze now back on Alice, I knew exactly what Linda was asking me and she knows that I did.
"You know Mick." She said firmly.
"I don't know L, I honestly don't know." I sighed, of course I didn't want to believe my daughter was harming herself in anyway but that was just something in the back of my mind telling me otherwise, telling me she's lying.
"What do we do?" She asked, our eyes meeting again.
"We watch her, we watch her like a hawk. We stand by and support her, but we don't push her we don't smother her, we need to be careful and mostly, we need to love her." Alice snuggled even further into me and I responded by holding her tighter than I think I ever have done before.
"Will it be enough?" Linda's voice cracked and the tears spilled over her eyes.
"Of course it will be, our love will always be enough." I spoke gently, wanting so badly to reach out to my crying wife but not daring to wake the sleeping child in my lap.

"Is Al okay?" Nance stood in the doorway, leaning against the right side with her arms folded.
"She's fine baby." I said smiling at her.
"Right so that's why mums crying then." Nance rolled her eyes and stepped further into the room, Linda wiped the tears from under eyes, glaring over at Nance.
"Nancy lower your voice you'll wake Alice." Linda snapped back at her quietly.
"She is my sister I have a right to know." Nancy demanded ignoring our warnings to be quiet, Alice stirred in my lap but amazingly didn't wake up.
"She's going to a councillor okay, she has anxiety." I sighed trying to calm the tension down in the room, the last thing anyone needs is to be caught up in this argument.
"Will she be okay?" Nancy's voice was soft, her eyes fell to floor as she scratched the back of her head awkwardly, Linda's eyes softened and she walked over to Nance turning to us all.
"In time, in time she'll be okay."

~Alice~

Soft hands shook my bare calf, bringing me from my sound sleep.
"Alice baby time to get up." Groaning I rolled over to the other side of my bed pulling the duvet with me, I didn't care what time it was but there was no reason to be waking me up.
"Alice, up now." I pulled the duvet further over my head and squeezed my eyes tight shut hoping they'd go away and let me sleep. Harsh light assaulted my eyes and the coolness of my room danced across my exposed skin, the duvet had be cruelly ripped from me.

"Alice get up, your going to be late for school." I opened my eyes, turning over to see mum standing at the end of my bed.
"Do I have to go?" I groaned running my hands through my hair.
"Yes, now get up breakfast will be in twenty minutes." Mum walked out of my room closing the door behind her. I dragged myself out of bed, throwing my dumped duvet back on to my bed, I grabbed my uniform and went to shower.
Sitting down at the table I slowly ate my bowl of cereal with dad sat opposite me reading the paper, glasses perched on his nose and mum washing up in the sink behind me.
"How you feeling?" Dad asked as I passed my finished bowl to mum. "I'm good." I reassured him nodding gently. Excusing myself from the table I grabbed my stuff from my room and wandered downstairs waiting for dad to come down and drive me in.

I stared up at the grey building reading the sign "Walford High." Students piled in all chatting and laughing, I picked nervously at the bottom of my skirt suddenly feeling very self conscious.
"You'll be fine." Dad took my hands in his looking at me with soft, concerned eyes. I kissed him on the cheek and grabbed my stuff, slowly making my way into the main entrance doors.
Here goes nothing.

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Sort of a filler chapter I guess, but it's a double upload for you all because I was in such a focused mood today all I did was write.
I hope you all like it :)

Love you xox