*Wednesday, March 27*
It's my day with the guys and I planned on all of us working. I need to get some work done and they do too.
Namjoon, Yoongi, and Hoseok were working on songs. Jimin and Jungkook were practicing dancing. Jin and Taehyung were helping me figure out a schedule.
"Dance Practice on this day, rest day on this day and this day." Jin points out on the calendar.
I write them down on the calendar and point to another day, "what about this day?"
"Work day like today." Taehyung said.
"Okay, and then I got a call yesterday asking for an interview. When do you guys want to do the interview?" I asked. "Time slot is this week." I point at a week on the calendar.
"That day," Jin points to an empty slot.
"Okay," I said and marked it down. "I have to reserve that day. On this day," I point to a day. "You guys have a photoshoot."
"Okay, I think that's enough planning for now." Jin said. "I have to do some cleaning."
"Okay, you guys helped enough. Go do some other work I have a call to make and an email to send." I put the calendar back on the wall and grabbed my phone.
I call to confirm the day for the interview and tell the regulations for the boys.
I go over to the computer and log in. I check all my emails on my business email. Then go to my personal email. I send an email to the only person I send emails to on my personal email.
Hey mama!!!
This is my 2,920th email to you. Have you seen the first 2,920 emails? I've tried to send you an email everyday. And so far I have sent one everyday. I'm waiting for you to reply. I'm waiting for an email from you. I miss you, Mama. How are you? How have you been? Whenever I call your number I hear the same message over and over again telling me that your number is disconnected. Sometimes I think that I should just stop trying to reach you. But I feel like maybe one day, just one day you'll see all my emails to you. I feel like I'm talking to myself sometimes. I'm trying to be good like you. I'm trying to know all the answers. I'm trying to protect the people close to me. But I feel like I'm going to fail. No one knows about my past. And I want to keep it that way. I need you mama, more than ever. I feel like something bad is going to happen soon. Something is going to happen and I'm not going to be able to stop it. I miss and love you, Baby girl."What are you doing?" Tae asked me.
"Sending an email." I replied and sent it.
"Oh okay." He said and went to join the other guys dancing.
I take out my notebook and flip to the tab labeled Mama. I write down 2,920th email sent. Flipping to another tab labeled Things to do, I write down what I have to do when I get home. Homework, Laundry, Read textbook chapter 13 to chapter 15.
I look up and see all the guys still working hard. I grab my other notebook and my laptop from my bag and put the password in. I work on some homework for a class and take some of my online classes. I start taking notes in my notebook about what I'm learning about. After that I put the notebook away and take out my sketchbook. I start sketching, not really knowing what I'm drawing yet.
"Hey, that kind of looks like Tae." Jungkook sits next to me and points out.
"No it doesn't..." I shake my head. Looking at it, I see what he means. It does look like Tae. "What are they doing?" I asked pointing at the guys. Jungkook looks over at the guys and I flip the page to a previous drawing on a previous page I made of Seong Min. I was trying to prove to Seong Min that I can draw people, so I looked at an image of him and drew him.
"They're playing Rock Paper Scissors," he replied and looked down at the drawing. "Oh... it doesn't look like Tae... huh.." he stared at it a little more. "It looks like that one friend of yours that gets us food."
"Seong Min?" I asked.
"Yeah, him." He said before going back to the guys.
I turn back to the page I was drawing and see that it looks exactly like Tae.
What did I just draw?
I flip the page and start a new drawing.
I'll draw an angel. Seems simple enough.
Once I'm done with the drawing I see that I drew Tae as a fallen angel.
Where have I seen this? In one of their mv's, I think. Tae was the fallen angel. Why am I drawing Tae?
I close my sketchbook and but it back in my bag.
I'm done drawing for the day... maybe even for life...
I sit there and watch the guys do these weird dances that I'm sure are not there dances for their songs.
I make eye contact with Tae and he smiles at me. I smile back and watch the other guys too, might be because I don't want it to look like I'm just watching Tae when I kinda am just watching him.
They start singing, they're voices are all in sync. I miss singing... the last time I ever sung was when I was 16. I miss singing from time to time, but if I don't think about it much then I'm fine.
"Manager! Sing with us!" Hoseok yelled.
"No, it's fine." I smiled at them.
I can't sing with you... I want to tell them. My voice might still be broken and if it's not broken it might break again... I want to tell them this but I can't.
"Why not?" Tae asked.
"I don't sing." I shrugged. Not anymore. I don't sing anymore. I can't sing anymore.
"I think everyone can sing, if they really try and maybe even learn the correct notes." Jimin said.
"I think that too." I agree with him.
"Then why don't you sing? We always hear guard singing but we never hear you sing." Hoseok said.
"Let's order some food." Jin said changing the topic.
Everyone turns to him and agrees with him.
Thank you. I mouth to him and he nodded at me with a smile.
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Working Forces//BTS//V Fanfic
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