Always With Me

Part 1- Becca Lowrey

The morning sun seemed to stand still as my feet against the dirt path. I felt every stride that I took with great intensity, each leaving me a little more breathless than before. My ribs were aching and my heart was pounding. Even so, I continued down the path so familiar that I could run to it with my eyes closed. I found the clearing that I was looking for soon enough, and I decided to slow down my pace to a slow jog. My lungs seemed to sharply contract as I took a seat on a wooden bench. I planted my feet against the concrete walking track and stared out at the pond in front of me. Birds and bugs were singing as I stared ahead. My mind was racing as I watched a fish jump out of the water and land back into the pond with a long splash. Behind me, a family of five played on a slide.

"Okay, Jase, slide down to Mommy!" I heard the mother of the family say as her little boy cried. He was frozen on the top of the slide in fear. The dad was sitting behind him, trying to calm the little boy down. He had his dark hair buzzed and an "Army" t-shirt. He was unsuccessful, and soon the little boy had to slide down on his father's lap. The mom grabbed the son when he was on the ground and pulled his shaking body into a tight hug. I sighed, finally allowing myself to feel the weight of my thoughts.

Today was the day that I'd been dreading for a very long time. It was a day that only grew harder each year. I'd assumed that my usual morning run would change the outcome of the day, but now I found myself having a difficult time even functioning. It wouldn't be any different than most days to anyone else, but to my dad and I, this day was permanently scarred. On this day, fifteen years ago, my mom decided to leave. Actually, it may not be the day that she decided it, but it was the day that she finally did it. She picked up her life and left, leaving behind her husband and two year old daughter. I put my head in my shaking hands as I tried to force my lungs to take in air. With very little luck, I got up from my seated position and took a walk around the pond. The sun was working it's way into the center of the sky before I finally turned around to leave the park.

I decided that running home was impossible, so I slowly walked. I got to my neighborhood and walked down the road, toward my house. The sound of men talking flooded my ears as I walked past the brick house beside mine. It was a red brick, one story house with a white picket fence. In the front of the house was a "Sold" sign, and a moving truck. I picked up my pace, making it to my house before they saw me. I normally would have investigated the new neighbors, but I was emotionally and physically a wreck, so I ducked my head down and walked into my front door. My house was a brown brick house with a wrap around front porch and a covered car port.

"Becca? Back so soon?" I heard a deep voice come from the kitchen. I closed the front door behind me and walked into the closed off kitchen area. My dad was standing in front of the sink, eating a bowl of cereal. He had on a green "Ole Miss" baseball cap and a permanently yellowed white shirt.

"Yeah, I couldn't run. Too much on my mind," I said. I took a few steps toward the refrigerator and pulled a chilled water bottle from the bottom shelf.

"Don't let it ruin your day," he grumbled as he poured the remains of his breakfast into the sink. "Neither of us will have a good day if we think about the things that we can't change."

I sighed and sat down at the table. "You're right. Are you fishing today?" I asked.

"Yeah, Davis called and asked earlier this morning. I thought I'd be gone before you got back from your run," he said as he grabbed his tackle box from the kitchen counter. "But, since I didn't, have a great day. Love you, Beck." My dad kissed my forehead before walking out the door.

"Love you too, Dad," I said before I heard the door close behind him. I was just about to turn around to head up to my bedroom when I heard the door open again.