Always With Me

Part 23- Becca Lowrey

 I went to church with Ellie on Sunday. Dahlia avoided coming today, so it was just the two of us. Dahlia was angry, and I knew it. I heard the story of her dad and my heart was broken for my friend. She, of all people, just couldn't catch a break. I wished that I could take the pain away from her heart and prevent her from feeling it anymore, but I knew there was nothing that I could do. She was burdened beyond my knowledge, and I could tell in the way that her blue eyes looked at me. She had something deep inside of her that she knew was destroying her, but she couldn't let it go. She was breaking from the inside out, and I worried about her.

"Dahlia, how can I help you?" I had asked her when I talked to her last night, but she was quick to reject my offer.

"There's nothing that anyone can do. I am just going to have to live with that."

I went into the Sunday School room when we all finished breakfast and chose a seat beside Kasey on the couch. She was a tall, dark haired girl with dark brown eyes. All of the girls in the room chattered excessively until Annie walked into the room about absolutely anything that we could fit into our time together. I could feel myself each week opening up more to the group, and I enjoyed the freedom that I felt while talking to them. I felt like the thing that they had was desirable, and I was one step closer to getting it. I wanted a relationship with God, and I wanted to feel the love surround me that they had. I just didn't know how to get it.

Annie walked into the room a few minutes later and began our Sunday School lesson. This week, she talked about The Parable of the Mustard Seed, and I was amazed at the feeling that was bubbling inside of me as I listened.

31 He told them another parable: "The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his field. 32 Though it is the smallest of all seeds, yet when it grows, it is the largest of garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds come and perch in its branches."

I suddenly imagined my life, small and unimportant in the long scheme of things, as a mustard seed in a garden. I could actually see it becoming so much more than that. I wanted for my life to have meaning— I longed for that. I wanted the God that could make that happen to change my life. I could feel my heart thumping as I contemplated all that this meant. I wasn't perfect, and I had made mistakes, but I knew that God was trying to meet me where I was. Just like the Lost Sheep, Lost Son, and the small Mustard Seed. My life had meaning, and I was meant to be saved. I felt my eyes water as everyone got up from their seats to head into the sanctuary.

"Becca, are you okay?" I heard someone ask me as they turned the lights out in the small room. The light from the window lit up the room enough for me to see that Annie was standing next to me, and Ellie was waiting outside of the door.

"Annie, I want to know this God that you know," I answered, feeling the joyful tears streaming down my cheeks. I felt relief with every tear shed. "I want to ask Jesus to create something special in me. I want for him to find me where I am so I can come home."

Annie pulled me into a hug and pulled away, smiling a magnificent smile at me.

"Do you want to pray about it right now?" she asked, putting her arm on my shoulder.

"Yeah, I do. Will you please help me?" I asked, taking a seat on the chair behind me.

"Just ask God to do exactly what you just told me that you wanted Him to do," she said sweetly as she sat down beside me. Ellie was still behind the door, but I could tell that she was praying for something herself as tears streamed down her eyes. I felt my heart swell when I realized that she was praying for me, too.