Always With Me

Part 19-Brent Harwood

 We got to our hotel a few minutes after eight. The entire team was going to eat dinner, but I wasn't feeling well enough to do that. I went back up to my empty hotel room and sat down on my bed, feeling my brain explode against my temples. The lights were still off when I got under the covers and sat in the silence. I was too stressed out to do anything but lay there.

Dahlia Parker was the love of my love, and I knew that. She was my first love, the first person that I ever had sex with, and the person that I knew that I could always count on. But now, her life was falling apart, and there was nothing that I could do for her. I felt horrible about what I did to her, but that didn't change the fact that what I did to her was permanent. No amount of guilt could change that. Although she needed me, no amount of love that I could show her was going to change anything. I got Dahlia pregnant , and there was nothing I could do about it. I knew also that I treated her horribly when she came to my house today, but I wasn't ready to face what I had done to her, either. I had too much going on to sit down and decide on baby names or buy diapers.

I heard a knock on my door a few minutes later. I opened the door to see Nathan and Zack standing behind it, carrying food. They came in without my invitation and sat down. I sighed and closed my door. Both of them had their team shirts on, also, and a pair of sweat pants.

"Where were you tonight?" Nathan asked as he put some food in front of me. I ate it quietly, rolling my eyes at my stupidity.

"I didn't feel like going," I answered, grabbing a water bottle from the refrigerator.

"What's up, man?" Zack asked.

"I screwed up," I sighed, "Dahlia is pregnant."

"Dude, no way!" Nathan yelled, laughing. He realized almost immediately that I wasn't kidding and stopped, "You aren't kidding, are you?"

"Nope."

"I'm sorry, man," Zack said. I was sure that he already knew about it because of Becca, but I didn't care.

"Look, man. I know it's tough. That's the same thing that happened to my sister. But please tell me that's not why you haven't been talking to Dahlia the past few days," Nathan said. I felt my fury rage inside of me, but then it dropped down again. That was exactly why I hadn't been speaking to Dahlia the last few days.

"Man, I've just got a lot to figure out. A kid wasn't exactly in my plan book yet," I said, laying back on the bed again.

"Well, whatever you need, I'm here. I'm praying for you, bro. Remember Phillippians four verse tirteen: 'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me,'" Nathan said before getting up to leave. Zack followed him to the door.

"I'll do anything, too," Zack said, actually looking upset for me. I didn't want their pity, but I felt too lousy to care.

"I've got to figure it out, but thanks."

Zack and Nathan left my room after a few more minutes and went back to their own. I was angry again. Not only at myself, but at the verse that Nathan had just quoted to me. He knew that I didn't believe in God, but his words weren't sitting very well with me. How could I get strength from Christ? Isn't he the one that created me, so shouldn't I already have strength? And why did he allow me to get my high school girlfriend pregnant?

I had my thoughts running through my mind when my mom walked into our hotel room and sat her things down on her bed. She didn't notice me at first, but when she did, she jumped.

"Oh, Brent! You scared me. Are you... Are you okay? Why aren't you with the rest of the team?" She asked, sitting down on her bed beside mine.

"I just don't feel up to it," I mumbled, sitting up from my bed.

"Oh. Does it have anything to do with Dahlia coming over today?"

"I guess," I answered, going into the restroom. I brushed my teeth and got back into my bed.

"What happened?" She asked, digging through her purse to find her phone. She fished it out of her purse and began playing on it, but I could see that she was waiting for my answer.

I hadn't told my mom yet about Dahlia. I was too afraid of how she would react, and I knew that she was going to be angry at me and hurt by me. I was too horrified of her reaction, but I knew that she was going to notice that Dahlia was pregnant. I could even tell that she was beginning to show.

"Mom... I did something stupid." I sighed. My mom looked up at me, and I could see that I had her full attention now.

"What happened?" She asked again.

"Dahlia..." I paused, swallowing hard as I got up to sit at the end of my bed. She leaned in closer, waiting on my answer, "is pregnant."

She looked at me for a while before getting up from her bed and walking out of the room. I wanted to punch something, but I knew that she would be angrier if she came into a destroyed room. It had been hard for me ever since I found out that Dahlia was pregnant. Although I have always been certain about everything in my life, I had no idea how this would turn out. The idea of a baby being my responsibility honestly scared me. How was I, just barely an adult, supposed to raise a child? And what was I going to do when they get hurt, or when they cry, or when they were sad? I never planned on bringing a baby into this world, even as an adult, but now the responsibility of having a child being thrown at me.

But why hadn't Dahlia told me about being homeless? I knew that her mom drank sometimes, but I had no idea that it was bad enough to send her to rehab. I knew nothing about the girl that I had always loved, so I wasn't the best thing for her now. She deserved a man that knew how to take care of a child. But Dahlia was only a child herself. At only eighteen, she had no means of taking care of a baby. How are we going to be parents to a child? I honestly have no idea.

I woke up to a hand pushing my shoulder. "You are going to talk to that girl. You are going to take responsibility for what you have done."