Bjorn This Way: A Bjorn Trilogeé Adventure

Chapter One

Bjorn was sitting on the same uncomfortable barstool, in the same run down bar that he had been drinking in everyday after work for the last few months. Work all day, drink all night, go home and pass out, repeat ad nauseam. He had a sinking feeling that he was falling into a rut. There was a stained mirror hung behind all of the various liquors that stood behind the bar. Bjorn looked at himself in it as he lifted another swig from his beer. He used to be a good looking guy, he thought to himself, people would often mistake me for Matt Damon, though he wasn't sure if that was a compliment or not. He has been haunted by these nightmares that he could hardly understand, he figured drinking was a good way to get through his restless sleep.

Sitting next to him was his friend from work Saul Chang. He was still wearing his blue postal uniform. They were the two best letter carriers that the city had ever seen, which is to say they both occasionally showed up for work sober.

"Can you believe that, it has been months and I'm still shocked by it" said Saul watching the fuzzy CRT television mounted to the wall. It was the news. They were interviewing one of the super intelligent cows. They were fighting for their rights as an American citizen. The entire world went into shock as almost a year ago intelligent talking cows were discovered in the middle of the American heartland. People suspected genetic engineering but no one knew how they came about. They were a very popular fad for a few months, but like most things people got bored and moved on. Cows still wanted the right to vote but people were growing increasingly annoyed with their constant complaints.

"I have nothing against these cows, you know" said Saul

"Uh huh" slurred Bjorn Trilogeé

"I just wouldn't want one of them moving next door" Saul laughed

"Thats a bit racist don't you think" Bjorn replied, slightly becoming more awake at the sound of someone making a politically incorrect statement. Saul has been his friends for years and he knew he could push Bjorn's buttons by being offensive.

"Listen I don't want one of them marrying my daughter. Imagine the shvantz one of those bulls."

"Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free" suddenly laughed Bjorn, a lot more drunk that he originally assumed.

"See now that's actually racist. It's an old cow stereotype"

"Shut up. You wouldn't bang a female cow? They can be very sexy" Said Bjorn

"Alright I think you're drunk. It's time to get going", Saul motioned to the waitress for the bill.

"Maybe you'd rather date a bull?" laughed Bjorn

"If a bull was going to fuck me in the ass I'd clench my butt to trap his dick and take a big dump straight up his dick hole, like a Play-Doh fun factory. A reverse fecal intact, instant death ... it's an ancient Chinese secret"

"That's really disgusting" Bjorn remarked

Saul looked at the bill and tossed a handful of cash onto the counter in the close approximation of what he assumed the amount was for. He elbowed Bjorn on the shoulder and got up and left, Bjorn smiled at the waitress and followed his co-worker out the door. The cold wind outside was almost enough to sober him up, or at least sober him up enough to know that he shouldn't drive.

"I think I'll take a cab home" slurred Bjorn just wanting to be in his filthy one bed room apartment asleep on his equally filthy bed. He thought about cleaning his place but it was merely an alcohol fueled fantasy, he knew he was never going to actually clean his place up. He recalled his last apartment, he used to clean it all the time but then it blew up. He wished he could remember how that happened.