Bjorn This Way: A Bjorn Trilogeé Adventure

Chapter Five

Femmy rode her ten speed bike out of the parking lot and out on to the street. It was a rather pleasant day out and the weather was very conducive to shooting someone with a high powered sniper rifle. She pedaled her bike through the busy streets and up a steep hill that had a small, though rather nice, public park on the top of it. She estimated that she was about two thousand yards away from the Perk Me Up coffee shop and with little to no winds that day it would have been a fairly easy day shooting

Once at the park she looked for some lush green shrubbery that would make for a good place to hide out. Luckily it was the middle of the day so the park was fairly empty as the drug dealers and guys cruising for sex were all asleep. Femmy unlatched her picnic basket from the back of her bike and unfolded her red and white checkered blanket. First she took out two long baguettes and a pack of cigarettes. She then took out a thermos and an assorted cheese plate.

Femmy lit her cigarette and put the pack back into her picnic basket. She then tore off an end of one of the loaves of bread to reveal the muzzle of a modified AWM bolt action sniper rifle. Femmy had learned the art of clandestine bakery from the greatest french chief from Japan , Paul who had himself learned it from the great French spy Julia Child. Femmy then unscrewed the top of the thermos to reveal a large convex lens. She then attached this to the top of the loaf of the bread. She was removing as little of the bread that she had to and tossing it over to a nearby goose. She reached over to the cheese plate and to a large slice of swiss cheese and attached to the end of the french bread as it was actually the stock of the rifle.

Femmy looked around and the park was still empty, hopefully everything would work out okay. She held her hand up to her ear that contained the listening device, she could hear Bjorn sipping something through a straw, he must have already gone to the coffee shop.

"Excuse me miss" said a nasally voice male stand behind Femmy. She ignored him hoping he would go away.

"Hello, miss, what do you think you're doing?" he asked again, maybe even more nasal inflection if such a thing was possible. Femmy didn't turn around but instead reached into her picnic basket and took out a small round sourdough boule.

"Ya, I know you can hear me. Well you're not supposed to feed the geese here, Its against the law you know."

Femmy LaBush sighed slightly and put the boule down. The creepy bespectacled effete gentleman with the nasally voice hadn't noticed her rather obvious sniper rifle baked into a baguette half way into a nearby shrubbery but was merely upset about feeding the wild animals.

"Oh a thousand pardons, Sahib" Said Femmy in a strange combination of french and a stereotypical Chinese accent, her cigarette dangling from her mouth.

"Smoking too? In a public park" He said releasing several fake coughs to accentuate his waving of his hand in front of his face to push the nonexistent smoke away "I could over look the wanton goose feeding but this is too far, I'm going to have to give you a ticket"

He walked over to his bicycle and took out a notebook from the basket attached to the bike's handlebar. He then pressed the button on his walkie talkie and asked to talk to some lady named Martha on the other end. Femmy was getting concerned , she reached behind her as she was getting up and grabbed the loaf of french bread. She walked towards the man as he spoke to Martha about the disturbance in the park. Femmy swung the bread down on the man's head and he slightly bent over clutching his hair, though he was a lot less phased that she thought he should have been.

"Merde! Wrong loaf" She said after realizing it wasn't the loaf with the heavy rifle baked into it. Hoping to knock him out , she realized he was probably going to call in an assault report.