Bjorn This Way: A Bjorn Trilogeé Adventure

Chapter Thirteen

Bjorn exited through the doorway and immediately found himself inside an elevator. There was only one button on the wall and is said UP, so he pressed it. The elevator began to move skyward. Bjorn hated that slight weightless feeling that one gets in an elevator, it reminded him of those terrible carnival rides that would rise and fall. The Muzak started to kick in, it played a jazzy saxophone version of Cannibal Corpse's I Cum Blood.

The elevator jolted to a stop and the doors slid open. Bjorn found himself in a rainbow colored room. Inside stood a man ... or a woman ... well both actually. The right side of the body was a purple skinned, muscular man with a crew-cut. The left side however, was a long haired, curvy blond with skin equally as purple. It wore a half wrestling jumpsuit and half white sparkly gown. This is was not a Siamese twin but rather one body split into two individuals perfectly down the middle. Also, it was a Cyclops. Bjorn almost got an erection, but not quite.

Bjorn stepped in and the door slid shut behind him, locking tightly. "Let me guess. Some kind of circus freak?" he asked smugly

"I'm a WoMan, half woman and half man"

"The word is still woman... you know what, who cares." Bjorn said

"So now it's just you and me" said the man. "And me" said the woman.

"Yeah whatever" replied Bjorn, rather irritated. "Let's just get this over with"

Bjorn raised his fist in a fighting stance. His nemeses did the same, well half did. The woman part just started applying lipstick. The first to attack was Bjorn. He connected with two quick jabs to the WoMan's face, blood trickled from its nose. The man-arm struck Bjorn with one mighty blow to the chin. Immediately he saw stars and flew backwards, smashing hard into the glass wall. It had been a long time since he felt a hit that hard.

The WoMan was right on Bjorn, punching hard into his stomach and doubling him over in pain. Then the woman part kicked Bjorn right in the neck with a high heeled foot. The pain was terrible and he lost his breathe, but before he could even recover the man-arm wrapped itself tight around Bjorn's neck, slowly chocking him into unconsciousness. At the same time, the woman-hand tried to grope Bjorn's package. "Hey, cut that out you ugly bitch." Squeaked Bjorn.

"Oh no you didn't" the woman replied as she dug her nails deep into Bjorn's stomach. She pulled up sharply and ripped a large gash through Bjorn's skin-suit and into his actual skin. Blood began pouring everywhere. The room started to go dark and Bjorn began to have trouble focusing. He was losing blood and being choked out cold.

"Sleep, sleep" the woman voice repeated over and over again. Bjorn desperately wanted to comply. He concentrated on staying awake. He started thinking of all of his favorite foods in various order; pizza, donuts, ice cream, guitar playing minotaur... wait what? "Crap I'm dreaming!" Bjorn thought. He knew he needed to wake up, lord knows what that freak was doing to him while he slept. Believe it or not, there was a protocol for such an event. His training taught him that in a case like this he needed to picture himself falling off of a cliff. He would instinctively wake up before his body smashed to the ground. So this is what Bjorn did. Pictured himself falling, falling, faster and faster down into a canyon. He hopped that he awakens, because it is a true fact that if you die in a dream you die in real life.

As he fell further down into the canyon, his legs began slamming against various jagged rocks. Even though it was only a dream, the pain felt very real. More and more his legs began to whack hard against protruding rock faces. He wondered when he would awaken, the Earth below began to get closer. After a moment it seemed only a few feet away. Bjorn closed his eyes, waiting for the imaginary collision but Nothing happened. He opened his eyes and saw WoMan standing above him.

Blood was squirted up from somewhere below his waist. He gazed down and could only watch in horror as WoMan was smashing his right leg with a large metal pipe, while simultaneously stabbing into his left leg with a high heel. Now the pain was very real and Bjorn began to scream. He tried to stop it but he could only move his hands in the way. Before long his hands began to get cut and broken by the blows. On and on it went, the smashing and stabbing. Blood was everywhere and Bjorn could see pieces of his own flesh and bone poking through his ripped skin-suit. He had to get out of here. Bjorn waited for one more strike from the high heel and he watched as it drove deep into his thigh.

Bjorn had to strike quick. "Hey look it's someone speaking ill of gender neutral bathrooms" he said as he pointed off to the right. The WoMan turned its head, apparently ready to complain about a person's right to use any bathroom that they want to. This gave Bjorn a window of opportunity. He summoned up all of his strength and pulled the high heel from his thigh with a tug. WoMan turned back around and looked at Bjorn with an air of confusion. Bjorn smiled, "I'm the Queen Bitch of New York City" he said as he flung the high heel like a dart straight at the Cyclops eye of WoMan. The spike penetrated perfectly into the cornea and drove deep into brain. WoMan stood motionless for a second before keeling over dead. Immediately a door opened straight ahead.

Bjorn began crawling, hand over hand, towards the doorway. His legs were a complete mess. His body was full of gashes, breaks, bruises and fractures. However, he still survived. Bjorn was about to leave the room, but suddenly he turned back and began crawling towards the dead body of WoMan. Bjorn poked his head under the creatures dress, he just had to see what was doing under there ... you don't even want to know.