Dream

39. You're Gone

Why?
Why me?
How can this be happening?
I see parishioners' lips moving,
But I don't hear a single word
Everything is drowned out by the hurt,
As I realize,
You aren't coming back
You are no longer alive
I'm alone.
Walking in a crowd but still on my own
I can feel myself shutting down
Trying to stifle​ the pain
Attempting to keep a smile on my mouth
Closing off from the world
Donning a mask because it's all I have left to live for
These stormy skies are an angry force
The clouds churn and roar,
You wouldn't have liked the weather
You were never angry,
Never a sad presence,
You were always smiling.
And I was..
The opposite.
You had a sparkle in your eyes,
There was some sort of light
And I was nothing but a damper
It should be me who is lowered into the earth
It's what I deserve
You would have done so much more without me
If I wasn't such a hindering
But I am
I was the one who made the call
And it cost you it all
I am responsible
There's blood on my hands, a guilt I hold
You were giving,
Kind and loving
But I was selfish.
And now it's all broken and too late to be fixed
As I watch the empty phrases leave thoughtless lips,
I know that no pretty sentence,
No commemoration will ever bring​ you back
You're gone.
You're gone.
You're gone.
And it's my fault.
There are so many thoughts running through my head,
All of them full of regret
I made my bed,
And now I have to sleep in it.
I wish I would never wake up.
Because no amount of apologies,
Will ever be enough
I'm sorry,
But that doesn't help anything
It won't erase the pain I see written on every face
The tears streaming down cold cheeks
I wish there was something I could say,
An act that would remedy this mess I made,
But there isn't a way
I ruined my own life,
And ended yours
I'm a selfish fool and it's no longer something I can hide
Because the evidence for my crimes,
Is laying in a coffin that should be mine,
But it's you who was put on trial,
And you who lost your life,
Though you were unguilty
And now you're gone because of me.
It's raining,
The world is grey and unfeeling
I'm crying,
The pain is too much to continue living
So I won't be here for long,
I'll see you when I finally leave,
And then you won't be the only one who's gone.

Inspired by,
Cold-Jorge Mendez