adult

031. log

[0:31] "april 24, 2016. 11:51 pm. log. or what's supposed to be a log."

[0:48] "i'm currently in japan for concerts and stuff, and right now i'm alone in this room. i just came back from a concert and . . came to my room to film this."

[1:30] "i'm really tired, because . . . i don't even know what i'm saying anymore. i'm just rambling at this point, ugh."

[2:01] "since this is a log, should i talk about how i'm doing?"

[2:13] "right now, i can't, i can't focus on anything and . . . i don't know what to do about it. so since i don't know how to express my feelings, i'm talking to a camera right now because i can't talk to anyone else."

[2:53] "what should i say . . . "

[2:58] "these days, i just . . kind of grew feelings."

[3:09] "is that weird to say? grew feelings?"

[3:13] "i don't know. just regardless, that night we talked; i was lonely, she was lonely, we were both lonely, we actually . . sat together, and had a conversation . . . she held my hand and now i realize that i like her."

[3:36] "hm. i guess that's what happens. so that happened . . . hmm, these days, i just . . . i think of her but then i keep thinking of jungkook and . . . it's just, these days i think, 'how would he feel, wouldn't this hurt him more than it would hurt me?' i think that bothers me a lot more than about how i feel."

[4:23] "most of all, i care about him and his happiness more than i care about mine."

[4:34] "regardless, i also want to better myself, really. that's why i've been trying to not care about other things and focus on my work, trying to improve my singing. i can't really multitask anyway, so . . . it's good. to focus on my work only."

[5:13] "these days i've been having a hard time because . . i can't. as hard as i try, i can't. but what can i do about it. it's true, i've been having a hard time . . . yeah. it's kind of hard . . i can't focus."

[5:41] "but rather than that my heart aches more for him and he doesn't even realize."

[5:51] "i have to. so i can grow into a better person for myself. i want to be a better person, a person who other people look at and think, 'i want to be like him.' someone that could be a good role model for others."

[6:20] "i'm sure that there are people out there that already think that way . . but i don't feel that way about myself."

[6:33] "still, 'if i keep going wouldn't i?' is the kind of mentality i have, and i'm trying."

[6:50] "it's hard because i — how do i put it . . i have my moments of temptation, then i have my moments of regret, then temptation again right after. it's like, it's just one big cycle. it's like i'm stuck in one big loop, and i can't get out of it. but because i have good people around me, and i know i have the fans beside me, i'm actually sane right now."

[7:29] "having people beside me is really . . . i think having people beside me gave me the strength to keep going. i think i'm only happy because i have people around me. i also . . don't really have much friends. of course i have my members, fans, people in our company, producers, and family. i have people that support me, and they give me strength. but i don't . . . really have my own friends. i'm kind of alone. 'i should be better.' that's what i've been thinking lately."

[8:39] "i'm wishing for the day when i can be satisfied and confident with myself to hurry and come soon, i'm trying really hard while waiting for that day."

[9:01] "i don't usually say that i'm having a hard time but it suddenly came to my mind as i started realizing what i've been doing. because that's how i've been."

[9:16] "that's why i've been kind of worried about us, myself. but i think i'm anticipating it at the same time. i think if i suppress myself and my feelings everything will be alright. i just can't let my selfishness get to me."

[9:45] "i've dyed my hair to black from orange. it's been a while. i think it's the first time to dye my hair black since boy in luv. i think it represents how i'm feeling right now a lot better, better than the bright and refreshing orange."

[10:12] "so . . shouldn't i live my life looking forward to the future? oh, it's past twelve o'clock . . . it's the 25th."

[10:36] "that's about it."

[10:47] "that's about it!"

[10:54] "i have nothing else to say though . . ? well, i'll film a log often so . . anyways, that's what i've been doing lately, and what i've been feeling. since these were the only things i've been thinking, i think i've got nothing else to say for today."

[11:13] "i like her but isn't it better to let her go . . ? ah."

[11:22] "april 25th, 2016. 12:01 am. is that right? it's 12:02 am. bye~ jimin's log end."