I find it hard to get close to people.
I see judgement and questions behind every phrase.
I can't truly get close to someone until I'm comfortable with them, and therefore I have to be with them in person.
Yet sometimes, I'm still not comfortable.
He often put his hands on me, and deep inside I knew I hated it.
I don't know why I hated it, but his fingers left burn marks in their wake.
I had an image of her in my mind, as we never truly spoke in person.
I imagined her to be beautiful and lovely.
And oh god she is.
But I can't.
I can't truly let myself open up until I know her.
Until her laugh is caused by me
And I know exactly how she smiles and how her voice sounds when she's happy.
But every time I tried
It didn't work.
It never worked.
And I don't think it's because of her.
I again couldn't let myself get close because I wasn't comfortable.
But I wasn't comfortable because we hardly spoke.
It was a vicious cycle.
And I honestly don't know how to break out of it.
The two of them apparently spoke of me.
Of my flaws and how I couldn't open up.
And that scared me even more.
As they both knew I was broken.
It's hard for me to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
Because I hardly know what is true.
But I can say
That what I'm telling is true in my heart.
