To Be A Barista

#2: If You Do Happen to Accidentally Apply, Deny Any Offer of a Job

Now, before we get to my actual day to day activities, let me give you a bit of an idea as to how I went about getting a job at Espresso Yourself: I tried really hard not to.

Trust me, if I had a physical copy of my priority list from two years ago, it would read a little like this:

1.) Don't get a job at Espresso Yourself
2.) Don't get a job period
3.) Arby's Mozzarella sticks

In all honesty, that last one probably should've been first, but regardless, I failed royally in every possible way to succeed in carrying out my priorities. My parents were already pushing the whole "you've gotta pay for college" card, and I had nothing to spend my summers doing anyway, thus, an application was filled out and mailed in.

Worst mistake of my life.

Sure, I had to get a job. That was nonnegotiable, but how my parents ever managed to get me to apply for a position at Espresso Yourself will forever be beyond me.

So obviously I wasn't trying too hard to not get a job there. Perhaps I was just trying really hard to not realize that I was getting a job there as my parents watched me fill out the application from the kitchen doorway with satisfied smiles plastered to their faces.

The manager called me back right away, and amidst all the excitement - I use that term very loosely - I forgot to say: "Um, yeah, actually, I don't wanna serve angry, tired people impossible coffee orders for the rest of my life. Thanks for the offer though, that was my bad." Three weeks later I was dressed from head to toe in barista black (to match my soul), and surrounded by girls, ranging in age from "angsty preteen" to "college dropout" and everywhere in between. No matter their differences, it was just girls. All seven of my coworkers, and then there was me: seventeen year old Oliver O'Malley who now not only had to navigate the mine field of picky customers and employment, but also... girls. The odds were far from in my favor.

Really quick, let me introduce you to a couple girls from the cast of pretty, angry ladies that I've spent the last two years locked in hell with for minimum wage:

First, there's Tabitha Reims. She's the oldest (the college dropout I mentioned earlier). She's got a really cool tattoo of an arrow down the back of her right arm that she has to cover with a black, long sleeve shirt, but she rolls the sleeves up to her elbows because she's always complaining about how hot it is in the store. She's tall, skinny, and her long, dark brown hair makes her look even paler than she is. She's pretty nice, but she doesn't look it. Which is the perfect lead in for my next coworker.

Margo Tolkien is the exact opposite of Tabs. She's eighteen years old, fresh out of high school. Her short hair is dyed a bright, maroon red, which causes her piercing blue eyes to pop behind her thick, plastic-rimmed, hipster glasses. And while she looks like a sweetheart, her tongue is sharp and deadly. She's always bluntly honest with everyone, and after knowing her for some time, it's kind of scary watching her play nice with the customers. She's really a nice girl once you get to know her, though, I promise. So much as you don't mind occasional death threats and her rather bleak sense of humor.

Okay, let's be honest, she's the scariest. It probably has to do with the fact that she has the last name of one of the most well know authors in the history of forever but none of the fame to go with it. No relation. And that bites for a massive closet nerd (she is a massive closet nerd).

Now, Andromeda James is a dark-skinned, dreadlocked, one-woman party. While Margo is a massive introvert, Andy is her opposite in that regard, which is probably why they're close. There's a bit of an age difference between them, as Andy's twenty-one, but they get along pretty swell. Not sure if they hang out outside of work, but they seem to be close. Then again, Andy seems pretty close with everyone. She's just that type of person.

To be honest, I love Andy. Her upbeat, loud personality is just the thing I need on rainy mornings when I have to be stuck at work instead of in bed, sleeping. And girl can really work those curves. I will not lie.

Charolette Sphinx is the type of teen that makes you wonder who the real Immaculate Conception was. She was the type of teen that just made you go "aww" under a breath as you watched her fill coffee orders with an adorable smile and a constant spring in her step. If Charolette Sphinx was a color, she'd be white. Untainted, pure, innocent. A literal angel from the heavens above. Now, despite all this being true, Charolette has these weird tendencies to just stop in the middle of a conversation, drop her expressions and zone out, as if she's just been contacted by aliens. Sometimes she just randomly blurts out the weirdest things and everyone just kinda rolls with it. It happens, we're a little unsettled, we move on. But the tiny little pancake that is Charolette Sphinx is probably the sweetest thing we've got here.

Might as well mention Amber Fitch while we're at it. Since, you know, she's the closest thing to a best friend I've got here. I'll introduce the rest when I actually have a shift with them.

Now, Amber is probably my favorite coworker out of the seven. Not that I dislike any of my coworkers (really...), she's just the easiest to get along with. Our friendship came naturally, as soon as she walked in on my first day proclaiming her love for Lay's potato chips with a bag of said chips devoutly clasped in hand. She was the only one who could get Margo to even slightly suggest her diehard love for various geeky shit, being a MASSIVE geek herself. Her honey blonde, shoulder length hair was always pulled back in some trendy hairstyle, and she was funny as all hell. I could always count on her for a hysterical comment about a horrifying customer once they'd turned their backs to the counter, and a steady supply of snack cakes.

Yeah... Amber's great.

Now that you've met my crew for the day, let's get into the real work. Shall we?