Will He Ever Be Mine?

Chapter Eighteen

"I have something to give you, but you can't open it until my funeral." I said handing him the envelope. He reluctantly took it though.

"I'm so sorry about what I said Kelsey. I never meant to hurt you or.. or anything It's just, when you reject me I feel as though You don't want to be with me. I love you too much and it hurts when you tell me no. I know you're sick, but I want you to go knowing that you were mine." He said sitting beside me. I was at home sitting on my bed.

"I love you too Bryce, and I understand, but I don't want to leave knowing that I was yours. I mean I do but, I want- UGH I DON'T FUCKING KNOW!" I said and started crying.

"This is so frustrating. I want to be with you but it's something holding me back and I don't know what it is. I guess it's the fact that the doctor told me I have a 50/50 chance of living. Until I know I'll live 100% I don't want to have a real relationship with you Bryce. When I'm gone it'll only hurt you so much more. I don't want to see you hurt at all. No matter how many Times you say you don't care, you care. You're going to feel how I felt when I thought Nolen had died. I was so depressed and I didn't want to live anymore. I would hate for you to feel that way." I kept on crying.

The doctors let me go home because I begged and they said I was doing a little better since I started chemotherapy. My parents have to look after me while I'm here though. They also give me this medicine I have to take three times a day after I eat.

"Kelsey, I know you care about how I'll feel, but could you put how you think I'll feel in the dumpster? I'm in love with you Kelsey and I know you feel the same. I just want you and only you. No other girl can be in your place. You're special to me."

"This might not make since to you Bryce, but that right there is the problem. I'm special to you and you're in love with me. When you love something or someone, or something or someone is special to you, when that something or someone is gone, it kills you inside. I understand how you feel because trust me, I feel the same. I can't just not think about your feelings Bryce. If we do this and I'm gone, if you hurt, I'll hurt too. I'm not only thinking about you or only thinking about me. I'm thinking about us. I'm thinking about how we both would feel. I'm thinking about how Mi Mi or my mom or my dad and everyone else that are in my life, how they would feel when I'm gone. I know that if they will hurt, you will hurt too.... Only a whole lot more." I looked him in the eyes and he took my hands in his.

"I understand that. I really do. I don't want to let you go though. I wanna be with you like Future said." He said and I laughed and he smiled. "I know you do. How about this, once I get through this chemo and come out healthy, we can be together okay?" He nodded. But I'm sure he knew just as much as I did that, that might not ever happen.

"Okay, I love you Kels." I smiled at him and he smiled back. "I love you more." I replied wiping his tears away. "Impossible... I gotta go, but I'll see you tomorrow."

"Alright, see you." He winked, and I smiled as he walked out. Once he shut the door I sighed.

I'm tired, I'm weak, and just tired. I heard a knock on the door and groaned. "Come in." I said and in walks the devil himself. What on God's planet brings him to my neck of the woods? "If you didn't get the memo while I was still in the hospital, I don't want to see you Nolen." He closed the door and sat on the side of my bed. "I know you don't want to see me, but I want to see you and I better not see that Bryce nigga come out of this room again." He said like he owned me.

"First of all, this is my room, in my parents house, so you have no say on who comes and goes, second of all, don't talk to me as if we're still together. We. Are. Done. D. O. N. E. Third of all get the hell out!" I said pointing to the door looking amused, then this crazy ass nigga started laughing. "Nigga, are you on drugs, or are you just stupid?" I asked and he stopped laughing.