I'm a Dreamer

Stars

Dear diary
I remember when I was a child. I'd always go out at night to look at the stars. I always thought they were night lights for all the people in heaven. I was terrified of the dark but somehow looking at the stars calmed me. The little ball of lights so bright and full of life. Or so I thought. Later in school I learned some of the stars in the sky were dead but time just hadn't caught up to them yet. It's odd the things kids believe. They are like stars bright and full of life but some just need to wait till time catches up to them for them to be gone. I've never related to a star as much as I do now. I'm a burnt out star just waiting till time catches up. I told Luke to look at the stars and to tell me what he sees. He said he sees white light. He doesn't think deep enough I guess or maybe he never finished school......that would explain a lot. I sleep a lot more and I dream of stars. I dream of the moon. The moon is a weird object it projects light like the sun and stars but isn't a star. It's just a object floating around Earth yet it has a light and a dark side. It is the two spectrums of life. The light being when we were born so full of life and ready to make memories. The dark being when we die being filled with memories and most being in pain. Luke thinks I don't realize he's depressed or the fact that he's cutting but I do. I wish I could stop him but I'm too weak I can barely talk. One day he will realize me dying was for the best. He will get better, leave, and continue his life. I will merely fade away out of everyone's memories and will finally be at peace. Peace. I don't think I've ever known peace. I can honestly say I'm excited for peace. It's the one thing more powerful than pain and suffering. The hospital has gotten more peaceful and quite gloomy but it's always been like that. I just never took the time to truly see it.
-Ash