Sucker For Pain

Chapter 4

Matt's POV

I hit send on the text message I had typed up while sitting the parking lot of Chateau Hills Golf club. They were words that I had been wanting to type since I rushed out of Jessie's apartment that morning. We needed to talk about what had happened.

But I wasn't really sure how I felt about it. I was with Val. I loved Val...except...well honestly...I didn't really know if I could spend the rest of my life with her. She was gorgeous and had a body that wouldn't quit. And when we were just starting out, she was one of our biggest supporters. She'd spend the night selling merch and then coming on stage and scream for a few songs. She slept in the overcrowded bus and stuck with me through it all. It's just now that we have made it big, she seemed it to take all for granted. Like I owed it to her. Not gonna lie, it caused a huge rift. One that kept getting bigger when we chose not to talk about it. I knew she flirted with other guys. Now that Michelle was free, they were like a twin man catching duo. She claimed she was Michelle's wing man but I'm not blind when I hear her taking a call in the other room.

I don't have proof that she's cheated on me. I suspect it but I can't prove it. And it certainly wasn't a good reason or excuse to sleep with Jessie. It's just...I had a crush on Jessie as a kid but for some reason, she didn't want any of it. I remember the day in the garage when I was going to just go for...kiss her and hope like she'd kiss me back. Which coincidentally was the same day, she introduced me to Val and then proceeded to push me to like her new friend. Man..that fucked me up big time.

Almost as fucked up as I was sitting in my truck. I took a deep breath and sighed as I got out and grabbed my clubs. I was still the teenage boy waiting for my crush to notice me and I had made it worse by cheating on one of her best friends.

And now here I was waiting for the same crush to call me back so I could what...apologize? Explain that it was a mistake when it really didn't feel like one? Say I never wanted it to happen and that it should never happen again? Even if I couldn't stop replaying it in my mind?

Should I just text her back and say you know what Jess...never mind. It was a mistake. Let's just forget it ever happened. Could I even do that?
I mean that had to be what she wanted....it had been almost two days since it happened and she hadn't reached out to me. Maybe she was just going to ignore it. Maybe I should just ignore it too.

But how fucking weird was it going to be if and when we had to see each other again? Was she just going to avoid me forever? Was I going to avoid her? I didn't want that. And I hoped like hell she didn't want that either. Damn it, how the hell were we supposed to fix this?

"Excuse me...sir," a deep voice came.

"Yeah," I said roughly as I turned to two teenagers with Chateau Hills polo shirts and khakis.

They both seemed taken aback by my tone but I smiled quickly to cover and they relaxed. "Are you M Shadows from Avenged Sevenfold?" the shorter of the two asked.

I nodded and extended my hand "I am..sorry man, I was distracted." Each took my hand and shook firmly. "What are your names?"

"Aww man...I'm Devon and this is Stan," the shorter young man pointed to his grinning companion who finally spoke "we're HUGE fans."

"Aww thanks," I nodded "I'm always glad to hear that. You guys could choose any music to listen to and you chose us. That's fucking radical."

"Will you be expecting any more of your band mates today?" Devon asked hopefully.

"Fraid not," I nodded "It's just me today." That way there were no witnesses if Jessie called me back and told me to go fuck myself.

"Oh that's cool," Stanley replied "Sometimes you just gotta play without distractions."