devil may cry | the weeknd

three

Abel

When I wake up, my head instantly twists to the side to see if Kaia is beside me.

It's something I always do every morning just to make sure that she hasn't left me.

I always find her sleeping peacefully, looking just like a beautiful angel - like now.

I don't want Kaia to leave me but at the same time I want her to. I need and want her but I want her to go - she's too good for me and I know I'll end up hurting her. I've done it enough times, yet she's stayed with me.

She's practically an angel and I'm the Devil.

How can someone so pure and innocent love a dirty and cold-hearted sinner like me?

I guess it's true what they say - opposites attract.

I watch as Kaia moves around in her sleep. She pushes off the covers with one hand, feeling hot.

My eyes land on the dark ring around her wrist from when I held on top tightly last night.

Feeling the guilt form inside of me, my fingers brush over it. I lift her hand up gently and brush my lips over the bruise.

If anyone saw that, they'd think the worst of me. And I honestly wouldn't blame them.

My thoughts go back to last night's conversation with Kaia. When she asked me why I didn't love her, I felt so bad.

I don't know why I can't get myself to love her - it's been a year that we've been together!

Maybe when she leaves me, I'll realise how much I love her, I think to myself.

But is that really what it would take for me to realise it?

Words can't describe how much self-loathe I have.

Sighing in frustration, I get up and drop my legs off the bed, putting my head in my hands.

I jump when I feel a hand touch try back. "Is everything okay, babe?" Kaia asks sleepily. She starts rubbing circles on my back.

I turn around and look at her. A smile automatically forms on my lips when I take in her natural morning beauty. "Everything's fine," I say, stroking her hair.

Kaia smiles, playing with the fabric of my t-shirt. "Give me a kiss," she says, puckering up her lips.

"I have to go make breakfast," I say and the smile falls from her face.

I get up and rub the sleep from my eyes before starting to walk out the room.

"You're still mad about that guy yesterday, aren't you?" Kaia asks, causing me to turn around.

I just look into her sad eyes for a long time. Without saying a word, I walk out the room and down the stairs.

I don't know why I did that. The look of hurt on Kaia's face made my insides twist in guilt. Why would I ignore her like that?

She's probably going to beat herself up now, thinking that it's all her fault that I'm acting icy towards her. She always does.

A month ago, there was a time when I wouldn't talk to her for three days straight, but would fuck her senseless and she thought that it was her all fault I wasn't speaking to her - it partly was, but not completely.

At night, I woke up to the sounds of crying coming from the bathroom.

When I walked in, I found her sitting on the edge of the bath, cutting herself. It wasn't a deep cut but it was enough to leave a mark.

I stopped her and when I looked at the cut, I saw the word 'whore' imprinted on her arm. She had written it because that's the only word I whispered over and over to her as a I fucked her.

I was angry at her because earlier that night, she was wearing such a short dress that every time she leaned over, you could see her thong. I caught some of the guys staring at her and that pissed me off.

Plus, she was all over Lamar, laughing at any joke he made and touching his face. That pissed me off the most and I had to punish her for doing that.

I didn't know she would go and hurt herself.

I hated that I was the reason she hurt herself, so I decided to stop punishing her for anything she did that pissed me off.

That was until yesterday though. I just had to punish her for flirting with that guy.

I get to the kitchen and start making breakfast for Kaia. I always make her breakfast after I punish her. There's no doubt she'll be hungry from all that sex.

I chuckle darkly to myself, thinking about last night and how Kaia was begging me to stop.

I didn't of course.

What kind of punishment would that be then?

I'm a sick bastard, I think to myself over and over again as I start cracking eggs into the pan and frying them.

As soon as I've finished making breakfast for both me and Kaia, I take the plates upstairs and into the bedroom.

Kaia quickly wipes at her eyes and plasters a fake smile on her face.

I bite my lip, feeling bad that she's been crying because of me. I don't anything though - I just walk over to my side of the bed and plop down.

Kaia sniffs and licks her lips. "This looks nice, " she comments, smiling.

"You must be hungry," I say, handing her her plate. "After last night."

The smile freezes on Kaia's lips and she stares at me for a long time before taking her plate. She looks down at her plate and then sets it on the bedside cabinet. She turns to look at me. "Are you still angry at me?" she asks quietly, not looking me in the eye.

"If I was angry with you, do you think I'd be making you breakfast?" I want to know, biting into a slice of toast.

Kaia sighs. "I don't know, Abel," she says. "You've made me breakfast before while you're mad at me. You're just so . . . confusing." She rubs her temples and looks at me.

I put my slice of toast down. Confusing? Why do I hate that she called me that?

"Eat," I say sternly, my eyes burning into hers. "I didn't make you all this food for it to be wasted."

"Abel -"

"Eat!" I snap.

Without saying a word, Kaia grabs her plate and starts eating.